March 17, 2011 I was using my first generation iPad to make a Skype-based telephony call to Delta Airlines from a Dunkin Donuts near Sanur, Bali. Three days prior, a massive earthquake and tsunami hit Japan , causing the Fukushima nuclear plant to melt down. One might think being as far away as Bali, we would be unaffected – and physically we were. We felt nothing and no waves made it our direction.
Only Susan and Penny – Emily’s mom and aunt – were visiting Emily and I in Bali where we were spending two of the twelve months of our digital nomad honeymoon. It had all been fantastic until the tragic news met us as we arrived for an overnight in Lovina on the north shore of the island. As events unfolded, it became clear Susan and Aunt Penny’s scheduled return flight through Tokyo perhaps wasn’t well advised.
To make a long story short, after days of repeated calling, we stopped at a Dunkin Donuts with free WiFi to call Delta at exactly the time we were told we should by a Delta Airlines representative the previous day. After a lot of intermittent holding and talking, Delta was able to put Susan and Aunt Penny on a Korean Air flight through Seoul.
At the time, the stakes felt high for Susan and Aunt Penny. They had places to be and couldn’t get home later than scheduled and while Delta was still running flights through Tokyo, Susan and Penny weren’t risking that. There room for success was narrow.
Aunt Penny was diabetic. Well controlled – but diabetic. While I was on the “phone” with Delta, Aunt Penny decided stress eating was the way to go. None of us noticed as she bought four donuts of flavors you would never encounter in the United States like pandan.
Susan and I took turns talking with Delta, Aunt Penny cut donuts into pieces and then, not waiting for anyone else, began stress-eating her share. It helped that donuts in Bali – and I assume the rest of Indonesia – are very light and fluffy, so she wasn’t taking in as much cake as she might have in the US. When we got off the phone, victorious and everyone had expressed their relief and happiness, I asked Aunt Penny how the donuts were, “I have no idea…” she said still eating one.
We all laughed.
As recorded in the March 17, 2011 blog post:
A few days ago, Emily bought popcorn kernels at the supermarket. She intends to at some point, make herself popcorn – a favorite food in her family. When yesterday Emily and Susan toyed with the idea of having popcorn for dinner, Aunt Penny protested. She – like me – wanted a real dinner. So, she suggested that if we all went out for dinner, that they could make popcorn today and they could all eat it on the way to the airport or while waiting for their plane.
“You’re scheduling a snack!” Emily exclaimed.
“I’ve been accused of planning the next meal while eating another, but I’ve never been accused of scheduling a snack!” Aunt Penny said as she fell into laughter.
“Eric, I know you’ll find this hard to believe,” Aunt Penny said over dinner the next night, “but I don’t really laugh that much. I like to laugh – I just don’t do it that much. For the past two weeks I’ve had a lot of good belly laughs. Nobody makes me laugh like her. (pointing to Susan) You all make me laugh too.”
Aunt Penny made me laugh on a regular basis during that visit – and every time I saw her except the last one.
Divorce has an entire cascade of losses. Among them are all the family members I loved and felt close to who I lost or from whom I became distant.
In fact, in the March 17, 2011 blog post I referred back to when writing today’s post, I found this: One of the major perks of marrying Emily is her very warm, wonderful, connected, supportive family – which has welcomed me with open arms. Who doesn’t enjoy that?
I saw Aunt Penny at a few events over the past several years – but briefly and not as it was before. She was always warm and kind. The laughs were no longer there in the same way.
I last saw Aunt Penny a month and a half ago at Sennen’s Bar Mitzvah. She didn’t seem like herself and I asked Emily if there was anything going on clinically. Emily said there was recent concern over how Aunt Penny was aging and things didn’t seem good. A week and a half later, Aunt Penny had an episode that led to her being diagnosed with a metastasized brain tumor. She passed away earlier this week.
Today Emily and the kids – along with the rest of her family – are in Dallas for Aunt Penny’s funeral. I’m very happy the kids are there – it’s important to show up, to be there as a family in such times, to have closure, to commemorate the wonderful person Aunt Penny was.
Aunt Penny spent much of her later years flying around the country, spending extended time with her grandchildren in their homes as they grew up. She was a consistent, active part of their lives – and she loved it. She felt closeness and pride in each of her grandchildren – three of whom happen to be professional hockey players and gold medal winning athletes.
I’m in no position to write a eulogy for Aunt Penny – I didn’t spend nearly the amount of time with her that would require nor that I might have liked. So, this is my version of lighting a candle.
I haven’t commemorated a loss on a blog post since December of 2010 when my Great Aunt Rose died. Aunt Rose was truly wonderful and so was Aunt Penny.
