“I almost killed two tourists today!” Emily said in much the same way a mother talks about a hard day she had with her kids.
The first was a British girl in distress who unfortunately seated adjacent to Emily at the high-speed broadband Internet cafe in Ubud this morning.
There’s only one place in Ubud with a connection of high enough quality to ensure Emily’s twice a week live lectures go smoothly. It caters to expats and visitors who do business and has a very office-like feel. Normally it’s very quiet and doesn’t get much of the “Hi, Mom! It’s me! Yeah, I’m in Bali now! I’m calling through Skype! Isn’t that cool?! Yeah!” crowd.
Unfortunately, today was an exception. As Emily sat at a desk in the far corner of the room, the staff ushered a poor, young traveler in distress to the computer opposite Emily. There were no other customers in the cafe, and plenty of room to place the girl at a computer far away. Emily became immediately concerned.
Her worst fears were realized as the British girl began saying things like, “Mum, I don’t like it here!” and “I’ve lost my passport! I need the number of who I can call…”
If there’s one thing Emily can’t have accidentally leaking into her live lecture it’s talk about passports and travel. Her employers and students don’t know she’s abroad.
Although she’s had fighting street dogs, fireworks, a crying camel and the rumble of houseboats invade her live lectures before – it hasn’t mattered too much. No one’s going to say, “Excuse me, Professor Frydrych….is that a camel crying? You wouldn’t happen to be in Rajasthan, would you?!”
But a British girl crying to her mom about needing to get her passport and leave Bali is a problem.
Emily muted her line and told the girl she was in the middle of giving a live lecture. The girl said it would only be a minute. She just needed to get a phone number and then she was done.
Seconds later, the girl was wailing and sobbing as she broke down.
Normally, Emily’s a very sympathetic person who would relate very well to a young traveler who lost her passport….but not today, not under those circumstances.
Emily told her students she would need to log off and login again in a just a minute. Then Emily proceeded to be furious – mostly at the staff who sat the girl next to her. Emily demanded a spot she could work where this wouldn’t happen. The staff have seen her do live lectures for four weeks now and they all realized immediately what went wrong.
In that moment, Emily hated everyone – the staff and the girl who said she’d be just a minute and then turned into a sobbing mess.
Luckily, it was her last live lecture in Bali and the lecture finished smoothly. Technical glitches happen at home too – and lecturers sometimes have to log off and restart for reasons that have nothing to do with being on an island on the other side of the world. So, all was fine.
The next tourist who nearly got it was a thoughtless woman who turned and almost knocked Emily off a sidewalk that runs about 10 feet above a soccer field. Emily had moved over to let the woman pass. Only instead of getting ahead of Emily, the woman walked along side her, turned to say something to her friends walking behind, and hit Emily with her backpack.
“Some of these tourists are so dumb!” Emily concluded.
And there it is. Seven weeks staying at a house in Bali – a place Emily has never been before in her life – and she counts herself as a resident. Ironically, we have exactly one week left before we leave.
With the clock ticking, Emily has gone into shopping overtime. She freely admits that Bali – and particularly Ubud – has been her favorite shopping destination of the trip. Even when she isn’t buying, she can’t walk down a street without looking in every window.
“We can’t get from A to B without you looking everywhere. It takes us forever! Please, go shopping on your own time…” I finally said the other day in a fit of desperation.
That’s exactly what she’s been doing for the past three days whenever she takes a break from work. Today, she finished her work very early which is exactly why she was on the high sidewalk where the inconsiderate tourist woman almost nailed her.
Sadly (sort of), it wasn’t Emily’s most productive shopping day. Instead of coming home with white pants and a few gifts, she came back frustrated with the annoying and sometimes aggressive tourist shop sales people.
It’s understandable. Every expat resident of Ubud – and perhaps all of Bali – goes through this same thing. There comes a time when you just want to walk down the street without hearing, “You come in my shop? Come, look, see….” or “Transport…Taxi…You need diver…?” or “You like? You can try on. We make good price…”
The best is when the conversation goes:
“Excuse me, do you have a pair of white pants?”
“No, no white pants. Maybe you like this sarong…? How about this wood frog? You like wood frog?”
Emily finally reached that point when the shopping looks a little less glorious because she’s been here long enough to stop being one of those “stupid tourists.” She’s crossed the line into being one of those “stupid foreigners”, “stupid expats” or just “stupid bules” (Indonesian term for foreigners).
The thing is that the “stupid foreigners” are smart enough to stop shopping in the tourist areas. And on the rare instances when they do buy something in a touristy location, they know the right price and bargain hard – like we did yesterday when we bought a blanket and I offered one (fair) price, stuck to it and got our blanket for 60 percent less than the shopkeeper asked.
Eventually, there’s a point where as a resident, you no longer enjoy some of the things that were fun as a tourist. Somehow, Emily hit that point today.
Of course, it’s not hard to see how and why it happened. With a house in a compound, in a rice field by a stone carving village – we don’t live like tourists. We go grocery shopping, run errands, eat at the local warung and know all five of the routes we can use to get to town.
Staying two months also has something to do with it. Emily has now had enough time to do what I did years ago – fall in love with Bali. The beauty, the lifestyle, the beauty, the food, the beauty, the people, the beauty, the culture – it’s easy to fall into sync with the ways of Ubud.
Although she has only one more week of residency, Emily has earned her stripes. She is now qualified to talk about the stupid tourists, avoid the tourist traps and go only to her favorite restaurants and venues.
The good news is that earning your stripes makes you a member for life. Emily and I are sad that we have only one week left. At the same time, we are sure we’ll come back to Bali, perhaps as one of those “annoying foreigners with their strollers parked in front of the restaurant.” I never thought it would happen to me – but it just might.
Sent from my iPad
