"Double donkey wins!" Ailyn exclaimed as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.
The very salty water of the Aegean is murder on poor Ailyn's heavy, but fine curly hair. Last year the knots got so bad we were at a loss of what to do so we called for help. Then 29-year-old Arielle – who I helped care for when she and her twin brother Josh were little, but who is young enough to be the "cool cousin" that's an adult, but not really – is our curly hair guru. She's the ideal lifeline because Ailyn will listen to whatever Arielle has to offer, Arielle spent many years struggling with her curly hair and has endured all the painful lessons – and I can trust Arielle's judgment. Plus Arielle gives Ailyn a lot of love and compassion, especially over curly-hair tears.
After a lot of, "Girl, I hear you" and "I worked very hard to make friends with my curly hair, so I get it." - Dr Arielle's diagnosis last year was overly dry hair due to the salt-water and her prescription was a moisturizing hair mask – in addition to the shampoo, conditioner and leave-in curly conditioner we were already using. I promptly took Ailyn to the cosmetics store where the very kind lady said she prefers not to put chemicals in a child's hair and recommended a donkey milk hair mask – the same as she uses on her own daughter.
I had seen donkey milk soaps sold in a lot of the souvenir shops – seemingly trying to cash-in on something stereotypically Greek. Under normal circumstances, I would have dismissed the donkey milk out of hand, but these were desperate times and the woman seemed genuine and credible – as was the packaging that looked more salon professional than "Memories of Greece."
Donkey Milk was the hit of summer 2023 – a gift sent from the heavens and savior of our time on Patmos. Needless to say, we brought many canisters back with us for use throughout the year and Ailyn has spread the Gospel of Donkey far and wide.
That's why several days ago, after a tragic accident in which Ailyn's national-brand conditioner took an unexpected backwards dive out of the bathroom window that shouldn't have been possible (an incident investigators are still analyzing), it wasn't long before Ailyn needed new product. This time she had her sights set on Donkey Milk – and given how responsible and independent both kids have been, I gave her some money and sent her to buy it herself.
So it was that two nights ago that Ailyn's first double-donkey experiment was a resounding success and our donkey journey continues.
Only it's important not to develop donkey hubris. This morning Ailyn was in curly-haired tears again. She was tired of treating her hair each day and combing out knots – she wanted her hair up so it wouldn't get wet at the beach today. Only she couldn't get it to stay up thee way she wanted. I offered to help but she was reluctant. I offered her a day-off from the beach. No-go. I offered to help her with her hair – maybe more donkey milk hair mask and some brushing from me would make the nightly hair process go better. Unacceptable. I suggested maybe she wants to consider shorter hair so there wouldn't be so much to maintain – a summer cut. I was now a moron who didn't get it.
Ailyn explained her dilemma – there are only three things she can do as a victim of curly hair: cut it, put it up or let it all go to hell and deal with it. None of these were good options. Apparently all the other women in her life – cousins, mommy, grandmothers, friends, mothers of friends, friends of mothers – all of them could simply and easily put their hair up…. but not her. Because her curly, but heavy hair is a curse.
After taking a minute to cry it out, Ailyn decided she wanted the beach and to have her hair up. When she couldn't get it the way she wanted, she cried again briefly and then allowed me to help her. Admittedly, I would have been reluctant too. Handing her hair dilemma to a 46-year-old man was dicey enough but one who's also bald doesn't inspire confidence. I am not the most dexterous person and generally girly cosmetics stuff scares me. Helping Ailyn with her hair mask and brushing out her hair at night was in itself a stretch to learn. Nonetheless, I realized this was a moment I had to nail. So with my best ponytail grip, a hair tie and no respect for aesthetics, I pulled Ailyn's hair into a bun-like-formation, which perhaps resembled a curly Pebbles Flintstone.
As Ailyn looked in the mirror, the initial shock gave way to hysterical laughter followed by, "I hope no one I know sees me on the way to the car!"
I told her Hairstylist Daddy doesn't go for fashion as much as functionality and she could not swim without worry of her hair getting wet. And since all fashion is simply in the eye of the beholder, after a few minutes Ailyn gave a surprising, "You know, it's kinda' cool. I think I like it…."
With that, we went to Lampi for the afternoon – something the kids have been wanting since they arrived. Lamp is the only organized beach on the western side of Patmos. Like Petra, it is an all-pebble beach. Unlike Petra and just about every other touristy-beach, Lampi has waves. Not large ones. In fact in Southern California, they might not be acknowledged as waves. Still, they are actual moving water that makes a sound as it brushes up against the beach. Everywhere else is as quiet and calm as a crystal clear swimming pool.
This is because the western side of the island gets wind, meaning Lampi is cool and refreshing. Lampi is also home to the only two wind turbines on the island – of which there could easily be more. I'm told the politics of wind turbines are complicated, weird and that Patmos passes up a lot of money and resources by not pursuing more of them on its little-used western shores. But that's another blog for another time.
Lampi in itself is another story of Ailyn overcoming. In 2019, Lampi was one of the first beaches we spent the day. Given the kids were four and six at the time, Emily, Matheus and I all went in the water with them. Being California kids, the small waves were no big deal to them – until, on the way out, at an awkward moment and despite holding Matheus' hand – a wave knocked little Ailyn over. Matheus pulled her instantly and they walked out of the water together – the rest of us right behind. She was fine the entire time. Only that wave had some f'in nerve as far as Ailyn was concerned. In a mixture of fear and anger, Ailyn declared she did not like Lampi. Not only did we not return for the rest of the summer of 2019, but Ailyn talked for years about how Patmos had great beaches….except for Lampi.
As time passed, Sennen – who liked Lampi a lot (insert Anchorman joke here) – pointed out to Ailyn that she was now bigger and probably wouldn't consider the waves big at all. Last summer, I joined him in that refrain asking her to take a look and at least reconsider Lampi. When she finally did last year, Ailyn discovered the waves were almost negligible and that she did indeed like Lampi (again, insert Anchorman joke). Perhaps not as much as her brother who was jumping into the water at high tide from the cement dock in the center of the beach, but enough to declare the day a good one.
This year, Lampi has been higher on Ailyn's list than Sennen's. Which all goes to show reevaluating things as we get older and change can be a good thing. And when all else fails, the miracle of donkey milk can fill in the gaps.
Last night we had a very different experience. We met Sylvie and Eric – friends of my French friend Bruno who I met at yoga here last year – for gelato. Sylvie, a psychologist and Eric, a business strategy consultant from Paris came to Patmos, staying at Bruno's girlfriend Agnes' house in Hora. The same house I went to for a lovely cocktail party one August evening.
Our meeting at Stelios gelateria was in a sense a blind date – the product of a mutual friend connecting people he both likes and felt would go together well. Bruno never met my kids, so they were an unknown variable in the equation. I knew from our text exchanges Sylvie speaks English very well and I figured – much like going to coffee for a first date – what could go wrong with a gelato meeting?
It turned out to be delightful. Sylvie and Eric met working in Marketing for Proctor and Gamble and had both worked for numerous American companies. Their English is superb. They were delightful, interesting and great with the kids. We met at 10pm – an appropriate after-dinner-gelato hour for Greece and midnight - the hour at which kids start to go home – snuck up on us in no-time.
Naturally, Sylvie and Eric learned critical things about the two main gelaterias on the island, Greek yogurt and donkey milk. There was much discussion of France and Paris which thanks to our winter trip, both sides were able to share their favorite things and cultural appreciations. And there was an interesting exchange about Singapore – what it's really about which from my perspective was more cultural/philosophical and from Sennen's, culinary. Both were important.
In any case, it was the kind of exchange and meeting that takes place on Patmos. We encounter a variety of people, exchange perspectives (including which gelateria had the better pistachio) and approaches to life, expand our horizons – and sometimes make new friends.
Perhaps that's one of the reasons Ailyn told me two days ago, "Daddy, I just love being here on Patmos!"
So do I, Ailyn.
