We sat in the middle of a rice field outside Ubud, enjoying incredible meals made exclusively from fresh organic produce at the farm next door. Everything as far as the eye could see was green, lush and Bali. In fact, we had to walk through the rice fields to get to it.
There's a peace and quiet particular to Balinese rice fields and we were surrounded by it. Combined with the afternoon sun glowing over the horizon, we enjoyed a slice of Balinese perfection as well as our meals.
Chad and Rina, having lived in Bali several years – most of them near Ubud – took us to this hidden gem that one has to know to seek out.
The quality of life in Bali is phenomenal. There are so many reasons to enjoy it – including views and venues like the one we spent time on this afternoon. Bali conducts love affairs and will do nothing to stop at taking hold of people's hearts. Anyone who has lived here never gets it out of their system.
Chad and I share that love of Bali. Only Chad took steps to make sure to return. He took advantage of the low overhead and labor costs to help his business succeed. But most importantly, he figured out a way to continue enjoying a place that practically begs you to calm down and step into a life that values beauty and connection. It's a proposition Chad has had trouble turning down since he first came here to work with me in 2004.
Chad, like I did – and so many people do – struggles with the life of an expat. Unless you transition to a highly similar country and culture like Australia or the United Kingdom, you live between worlds.
There's nothing in Bali not to enjoy. In fact, getting on the plane to leave for good was one of the most difficult things I ever did. For me, I had come to a point where I had to either make changes to my recruiting business or do something different. I went home to either make contacts and develop a client base of my own to replace my principal, or to take a job and reintegrate.
I was already leaning toward taking a job in part because I was a little worn out from the challenges of running a business that had its turbulence. Also, and more importantly, I had realized that all of Bali's beauty, advantages and lifestyle perks didn't make up for the isolation I experienced.
Weddings, birthdays, births, family events and the little moments that people share together were slipping me by. I was missing important moments in my little cousins' lives. There was no meeting my friends after work, no weekend activities, no getting together for lunch – just because. I saw the people closest to my heart only when I went to them on the other side of the world, or occasionally when someone decided to make a trip to Bali.
The later part of my time in Bali involved a lot of self exploration. With business events not coming to pass the way I had expected or was led to believe, I turned inward. Nothing was clear for awhile except that I liked my house and lifestyle. Singapore had become lonelier for me and I spent increasing amounts of my time here in Bali.
In the mix of thoughts and emotions that came out of my soul searching, I realized that I'm not the kind of person to go to town and connect with other expats. I'm particular about my friendships and relationships. Being someone who values friends and who adores the people close to him, I knew that home had the connections and warmth my heart needed – for at least awhile.
Going home was the right decision for so many reasons – one of the most important ones being the beautiful woman who is now my travel companion.
The four and a half years prior to that move was filled with excitement, adventure, struggles and triumphs. They were important, formative years. When you're engaged in life abroad, it does many wonderful things. You learn about who you are, what you're made of, what you can handle, where your values lie and infinitely more about how the world works.
Actually living in another country is so different than being a traveler. You can't skim off the top. There's no taking in the joys and leaving the problems behind. The burdens and challenges of everyday life find you wherever you are. There's no place free from hassles or struggles. There are just places that work for you better than others.
Bali worked for me, Taiwan didn't. Thailand worked for me, but not as well as Singapore or Bali.
There was tons to be learned from it all. These places changed me and made me more aware.
Chad is a man who understands these benefits and who thrives off the unending opportunities of life abroad. At the same time, he knows that Bali isn't forever. With a few exceptions, people who stay in Bali – and many places – too long turn weird. He doesn't want to be one of them.
For most people, being an expat means living in a netherworld. When you do it for awhile, you become disconnected from your own society, but never fully part of your host country. There is no becoming Balinese, Taiwanese, Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Nepali, Indian….and the list goes on.
The best you can do is become a functioning part of the way things work. You can learn language, make friends, understand customs, hold jobs and take a place as an accepted – sometimes even welcome – outsider. But always an outsider.
Some people find themselves feeling at odds or disconnected at home to begin with – making expat life more interesting or enjoyable. Others discover that time away creates a disconnect that's difficult to repair. You begin to value pieces of both, or several cultures and find yourself never fully in sync with anything.
Sometimes people conclude that the only solution is to continue on to more places, more cultures and continue the somewhat addictive process of immersing themselves anew. Being in transition is an activity unto itself. It can take away the questions and wonderings because every place is a new opportunity to find a connection that works. At the very least, it occupies you for awhile.
I have several friends who have faced the quandaries of the expat. Some have decided the benefits of other cultures outweigh the costs. They have created networks and connections enough to satisfy them, knowing they will always be somewhat out of place. Yet, they are happy with it.
Others fear home more than their isolation. They have become stunted and addicted to the power distance that makes their expat lives easy.
A few have figured out how to split their time, or create lifestyles that allow them to keep a foot in each place. They are the greedy and lucky who figure out how to hold on to an empire of treasures.
Then there are the ones like me – who have decided to close a chapter on life as an expat in order to rediscover the riches of home.
There is no right answer – just answers that are right for each person. Whatever you conclude, you become a member of a special fraternity of people who understand these interesting and fundamental quandaries of how to define yourself in a world of possibilities.
When I look at Chad who thinks about these things for himself – I feel a warm kindred and appreciation for the questions. When I look at Emily I feel complete, validated and more than sure that I took all the right steps.
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