When we were on Patmos for the summer in 2019, the kids needed naps, very regular meals, regular bedtimes, help changing clothes, bathing, toilet support, bedtime stories and songs. We didn’t have a dryer and neither Emily and I were going to hang laundry and iron it, so we used Michalis’ laundry service (which was lovely). At ages four and six, physical caretaking was still significant.
In 2026, no one ever needs help in the bathroom or changing clothes. They no longer need constant supervision – and walk or around town on their own. They do errands and “go out” at night like every other kid their age on Patmos. Of course, no one needs help with any device – they can operate the TV including the Xiaomi streaming box and all the many streaming services with ease. They even know how to reboot the Internet box if needed. Sennen starts charcoals and grills with only a moderate amount of support and can make breakfast autonomously.
That said, relatively, they’re all slobs.
I spend a significant amount of time reminding people to pick up after themselves and to clean up their messes. Which I hate – not just because I’d like them to respect a very shared space, but because I hate sounding like that. How and when did I become the nagging parent who says things like, “Sennen/Ethan/Ailyn – underwear on the floor!”? You can substitute “underwear” with “towel”, “swimsuit”, “shirt”, “shorts”, or “socks” – individually or in any combination.
There’s also a lot of reminding to clean the kitchen counter when done cooking breakfast (Sennen) or making ramen (Ethan) – or just pouring ice tea. Like every parent, sometimes (if not often) I just grab the sponge and clean it myself. But that doesn’t teach anything. So, as much as it annoys me to annoy them – and it doesn’t speed anything up – I decide to be “that person” because learning awareness and personal responsibility is a long process that requires consistency.
I don’t expect miracles. Thirteen-year-olds are inherently dense and literally don’t see the scattered dry ramen noodles or dried-on scrambled eggs. I’m not sure I did until I was 30. So, I don’t get upset. I say my naggy things neutrally and only get annoyed if they push back. “You should be ashamed to hear someone say you have underwear on the floor,” is one of my few actual shamings.
Given we have a washer and dryer – and a LOT of dirty laundry among four people, turning to Michalis sounds very attractive and cost prohibitive. So, I run a lot of loads of laundry – especially because washers and dryers here are smaller than in the US. I do at least one – and up to three loads a day.
Ailyn is shockingly not much better than the boys, but does better in two ways: 1. She doesn’t use the kitchen so much, and therefore makes less mess 2. She immediately collects errant clothing and towels upon request.
I explain fairly often that our house is small – so it can get really out-of-control quickly if we let it, or with small actions on each of our part, we can respect the shared space and make it so we all can enjoy it better. They like this idea and support it in theory. It’s just when the underwear meets the floor, they don’t have the wherewithal.
In fairness, I understood what I was getting into in adding another thirteen-year-old boy into the mix. More people, more traffic. More thirteen, more boy, more slovenliness. It’s not rocket science.
Still, the Disneyland guest experience requires people working hard in the background. I have learned a little bit what it’s like to be a Disney cast member. It’s not so hard, but it takes up more time and thought than I had fully imagined.
Thank God I have a dishwasher! Some days, the dishwasher and dryer are my two best friends and emotional supporters.
Clearly, we are rounding the corner from childhood to the teenage years. And there are things to be emotional about.
“Ketchup is more distant and doesn’t like me as much because he blames me for not saving him!” Ailyn told me today. Her big worry over the school year was that my changing the front yard from lawn to Mediterranean garden would displace the cats – especially Ketchup who loved laying in the grass. The cats would be scared, get upset, feel betrayed and leave forever.
Not only did they return to our house by Day 2, but they are back to running the yard – deciding which cats can enter and who must go. In other words, they picked up where they left off.
I had to explain to Ailyn that Ketchup is spending lots of time with the boys, soliciting them to pet him. I think it’s her long Gel X nails that might be putting him off. Gingos, on the other hand, has been closer to Ailyn, wanting her attention and pets.
“See, Ketchup feels betrayed!”
I pointed out the simpler explanation is usually right – they’re different cats and it may be Gingos just doesn’t mind her nails and Ketchup does.
She could accept it, kind of. Or better said, she knew it was right, but wasn’t ready to let me off the hook for changing the yard and all the imagined trauma I had created.
“They’re my babies and I wasn’t there for them!”
Okay.
That said, the cats are a big part of our life here. Unlike kitchen cleanup or putting underwear in the laundry hamper, the kids embrace caring for the cats. They’re happy to sign up for morning feedings and afternoon treats. Ethan periodically settles into the front steps and pets Ketchup for awhile. Ailyn and Gingos spend their time together. As in past years, the kids remain focused on the main cats (Gingos, Ketchup and Caramel), observations on the cast of transitory characters including, but not limited to Oreo, Caramello, Jackie, Darius, Tiramisu and Khao Neow Mun. They talk about their personalities, comings and goings, fights and drama. The life of a cat colony in our front yard is part of the summer experience.
Naturally, one of the biggest worries at the end of summer each year is what happens to the cats when we’re away, do the people who promise to look after them follow-through and will the cats return. So far, everything has worked out – but the anxiety seems to be part of the annual ritual.
Today the kids are beginning to really process our impending departure. They’re talking about the flight, airline, when to sleep, how comfortable the seats will be on United compared to Air Canada (the answer is More). They’ve talked about the ferry, the airport lounge, how we’re getting home from LAX, what we’ll do on the “rest day” Thursday before I return them to their mom Friday. They also frequently interject how sad they are to leave, or they can’t believe it’s time – that they want more. How can it only be two more days on Patmos?
What remains they have already decided. Agriolivadi Monday and Petra for their final day. Pantelis for dinner tonight, Ktima Petra Tuesday night for the final dinner of the year. We’ll grill one last time tomorrow. Last night, we had had dined at Flisvos as part of the culinary Farewell Tour.
Interestingly, no one has dared to speak the name of the biggest change coming: saying goodbye to Ethan. Sennen and Ethan have touched on making plans to get together. But really, no one has acknowledged our little group will break-up. Ethan lives in San Diego now, so we won’t get to see him with casual regularity. Going from sharing a room and all their confidences and jokes 24 hours a day to having to plan a holiday weekend here or get-together there is going to be a massive change.
To his credit, Sennen understood the situation well enough in advance. Around May Sennen said “One of the main reasons I want Ethan to come to Patmos is because I don’t get much time with him anymore. At least this summer, we’ll have some really good time together – and that will help us stay friends.”
Undoubtedly, next week when I’m here alone, I won’t miss cleaning up the bathroom floor twice a day, but those loads of laundry and even the occasional wet towel on the bed might not seem so bad.
