Living on an island in Greece isn't all a vacation. Michelle and I both work – primarily in the evenings when the time aligns to US, and particularly Pacific working hours. For Michelle, a child psychologist, a fair number of her clients need after school time – at last through this week. So for the past two mornings, Michelle has been up at the break of day to have client sessions in the kids'/guest bedroom.
Luckily, my work offers enough flexibility that I can inform people I'm working "East Coast hours" for three weeks and make my availability for calls and meetings cut-off at midnight local time with people's general acceptance. However, my volunteer work is not always as generous. From July 2022 through June 2024, my role as President of my synagogue meant chairing Board meetings – which over time I did from Singapore and Patmos. In fact, for two summers, I was up and sitting at the table on the front porch by 5:45 am – laptop and kombucha in hand and usually with the kids sleeping inside.
Now I'm Immediate Past President and my successor has opted to have Board Meetings solely in-person on Temple grounds, so it seemed my absence from meetings this month was foreordained. Only the Board needed to consider an issue on a project on which I'm running point, so I was asked to attend an executive session by phone. In my new role and situation, I enjoyed the luxury of not needing to be up and kombucha in hand until 7:00 am. It's good to be the Immediate Past President.
I can't speak for Michelle, but as far as work goes, I'm not complaining. In choosing to come to Patmos in Winter, one goal was to take advantage of the quiet and fewer distractions to make progress on a number of projects. Getting various aspects of work handled and managed is among those. Patmos in the summer is in itself a distraction because who really wants to work when the beach is calling and long, late evening dinners under the stars are what everyone's enjoying? In summer I try to get what's needed done and not much more.
In Winter it's just us and 3,000 Patmians – soon to become 1,000. The beaches are empty, the weather is brisk, we're down to one full restaurant, the days are short. It's the perfect opportunity to not just get caught up on work and life, but to make progress on all the things that too easily get set aside in the face of competing demands.
As we head into the next two weeks where holidays will slow and then stop work, I'm counting on further bandwidth which I hope to use to write, read, watch, rest and reflect. Mental and emotional space is a rare and special gift.
Like everything, the gift comes at a price – namely not being with my kids for three weeks. Not that it could be helped. But still, I enjoyed last Winter's trip to France with them and all the beautiful time it gave us. You can't be together and apart at the same time – so I have to lean into what I have. However, as the cats have returned to the yard – one by one – I've wanted to share it with Sennen and Ailyn. I've sent them videos and FaceTimed them from the front yard – with the cats – although it's not quite the same. Fortunately, Gingos – the cat the kids most wanted to return to the yard – came back yesterday while I was FaceTiming Sennen. He was thrilled. Gingos has taken up residence on a patio chair – as he does in summer – only this time with a pet blanket Michelle purchased with Ketchup in mind. Ketchup has taken to sleeping on the wooden table instead – Gingos gets the chair. Gingos understands Chair.
With the Board meeting behind me, I don't anticipate any more early morning calls. Michelle's early mornings should stop after Friday. Rest can return to the agenda. For me, writing will increase. Besides the daily blog post, I have a column to write for 3 Quarks Daily and I want to work on my Singapore-related book which requires a certain amount of clarity and concentration. The column – also on Singapore – is intertwined with the work on the book. I pitched Lessons From Singapore as a monthly column so the research and writing around shorter pieces of writing could support the bigger project. One challenge I face is my professional writing background was in journalism. I'm used to writing within a certain length and duration. Books have different requirements and adjusting isn't hard, but it's not easy.
That said, many successful novelists and non-fiction authors come from journalistic backgrounds. Journalism forces you to learn to write about anything, anytime on command – which is useful. Generally, journalists understand how to simplify and clarify prose – how to keep the story moving and relevant. My goal is to take something that could be perceived as boring and make it interesting, accessible and compelling, I hope to take a topic I find fascinating and help others see what I do. It seems possible.
Patmos over the holidays seems like a good place to make headway. If I can't find the quiet and space here, where will I? Maybe the silver lining to not having my children is the ability to fulfill my own ambitions in the weeks I'm without them?
As I pass through life, one thing becomes abundantly clear – you're always missing someone, some place or something. The broader your world, the more you love, the greater your experiences – the more there is to miss. As Florence Welch sings, "This is a gift, it comes with a price."
I used to bemoan what I'm missing. I still do sometimes. Who doesn't go to a Thai restaurant and know the som tam is better from a street stand in Bangkok? Who doesn't miss a friend in another state or country and wish they could bridge that distance for just half an hour? Isn't there always some smell or sound you loved in a place you aren't right now? Like the gentle, floral air in Bali or crisp feel of Istanbul in Fall.
Happiness is found in accepting the memories, being grateful for the relationships, appreciating the opportunities – and also what's right in front of you. Gratitude.
Though it's not always easy.
The way I see it – we live in a constant tension between ambition and complacency. Appreciating what we have is important and it relieves a lot of stress. Gratitude requires a level of acceptance. Wanting more can keep us on a treadmill – always chasing satisfaction. At the same time, life is about the journey and accomplishment is a huge part of our self worth. The path not taken, the opportunity not seized, the risks that lead us to better things – they matter too. Finding courage, overcoming, reaching goals, living dreams all matter. Fully living requires some guts and gumption.
After all, Cheryl Crow may be soaking up the sun, but she's still stuck home watching TV.
Finding the balance – at least for me – seems like life's great challenge.
Even deciding between action and patience to solve a problem is more art than science. Or maybe it just requires wearing the right lenses. Only how do you know which prescription you need?
I suppose this time on Patmos is my bet that maybe I have the right lenses for the moment. I plan to accomplish and rest; accept and strive; long for and find contentment. Will it work? Is it right? I don't know yet. I'm here to learn.
