One day when I was home from college, my mom walked in the door with several boxes of groceries she had just purchased at Costco. As she put the items away, she showed my sister and I a few new interesting products and treats she found.
“And you know my policy on new things…try them!”
Despite the fact that Andrea and I looked at each other and broke out laughing at our mother’s exuberance over a frozen food item, that really is her policy – about almost everything.
My mom is a pretty adventurous person. My dad’s no schlub in that department either. When they were young, they sold everything they had and went traveling for seven months across two continents. When I was little, half the decor in our house were things they brought back from South America. They listened to international music. I could sing Spanish and Portuguese songs from the records they played.
Until their divorce a few years ago, my parents always fondly reminisced about their days of travel – the sights they saw, the people they met, the places they stayed and of course, the foods they tried. In fact, the time they traveled was one of their strongest bonds and best memories. It was an adventure they undertook together and it was part of what inspired me to want this trip.
Although I don’t think my parents got to do as much travel as they might have liked – in part because of two kids, a couple of cars, a mortgage on a house in Westlake Village and all the great things that gave Andrea and I innumerable advantages in life – neither has ever stopped being adventurous at heart.
My dad and his new wife, Esther went to Argentina and Chile just a few months ago. And my mom still has the surprisingly rare ability to take – not a cautious little taste – but a bold, full bite of just about anything new, no matter how odd it might seem. My parents have always valued the experiences and textures of life.
That’s why it was no surprise to me that when we told each one of them about our ideas to travel for a year and work online during our first year of marriage, they each – separately – without hesitation gave their resounding approval and encouragement.
“That’s a great idea! I think that’s fantastic!” my dad said.
“I think that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you guys! In fact, I’m jealous! How wonderful that you can do that!” my mom said.
Neither one of them has been particularly worried or expressed concerns about anything we’ve done. My dad told me he didn’t think it was a good idea to go to Egypt when Emily and I were considering going there from Israel. But that was it.
So, when my mom – on Mother’s Day – emailed me that she was worried about us now that terrorism threats are high because of the potential of retaliation for Osama Bin Laden’s death, I was a little surprised and took note.
At first, she was just worried about us being out in the world. But my mom, being who she is, then recognized – as apparently did my sister – that Vietnam is a safe place to be during a terrorism alert. After all, Al Queda’s not putting Hanoi on its target list. She’s worried about us coming home around the Fourth of July weekend.
However, my mom’s first impulse – the impulse of almost any parent – was to have us “safe” at home. Emily’s parents too, on many occasions would have been perfectly happy to have us “safe and sound” at home.
We’ve heard this same sentiment from many aunts and uncles, friends and family. There’s something about being home that people assume is safe.
For example, when we were in Bali during the tsunami, people at home were worried about us. Tsunami waves hit California, not Bali. Several people expressed their worries about how the nuclear plant in Japan might affect us. The radiation headed across the Pacific to Los Angeles and didn’t reach Bali, Malaysia, Thailand or Singapore.
There’s just something about being home and being accounted for among your loved ones that makes everyone feel things are safe.
Frankly, knowing what I do – it would be safer to take everyone I know and move them to Singapore where there are no earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, monsoons. Other land masses block tsunami waves, no one in the region has nuclear weapons and the crime rate is practically zero. Oh, and there’s no need to drive, so no one would ever be in a car accident. In Singapore, if you left your baby with a wallet in its lap on a street corner, someone would bring them back to you.
Unfortunately, that’s not going to work for anyone. It’s like trying to make the entire airplane out of the indestructible black box.
Emily and I have noted how many times people want us “safely at home” and talked about the phenomenon a lot. Emily – whose expertise as a sociology instructor is domestic violence and rape (she loves the light side of life) – immediately pointed out that the safety at home concept is a fallacy in other aspects of life.
According to my expert wife, a woman is nine times more likely to be killed in her home by a husband, boyfriend or someone she knows than by a stranger. In fact, women are generally less likely to be attacked or harmed in public than they are at home – which of course is exactly the opposite of what people are raised to believe.
Then there’s the old insurance related statistic that you’re more likely to have an auto accident five miles from home than anywhere else. And more accidents happen in the home than anywhere else – which kind of makes you feel like your living room must be a minefield.
Of course, we – and every other animal on earth – create homes for security. It’s a fundamental, perhaps even primal belief that our homes must be safe and secure. If we didn’t feel that way, we’d go nuts. You just can’t live in constant fear. So, perhaps we skew things a bit?
More importantly – and this is what we take from it – it’s about love. The people who love you want you where they can see and hold you. There’s security in being together – in having those you hold most dear with you. Then, whatever happens – whether it’s a earthquake rattling your home or cutting the edge of your ear with leather scissors while doing a school project (really happened, ask my mom or friend Mazyar) – it’s alright because everything you really need and want is right there.
Home is the safest place in the world…for your heart. It’s also the place we value above all the beauties and wonders of the world outside – because they never offer us that kind of depth, that kind of connection. It’s why we always return there.
Sent from my iPad
