Shoddy Shaves In Ubud And The Barber of Bangkok

It was time to get ourselves together. It was time to get me together. In the aftermath of two sets of guests, lots of car time and just as much hunched over a table writing time, we had both become a bit ragged – particularly me with my scraggly face.

In Bali, Emily and I look forward to feeling a bit worn down because it’s the perfect excuse to go to our favorite spa. There’s nothing like a two hour massage to make you feel right as rain. At $15 per two-hour massage, there’s little reason to deny ourselves. Sometimes, when we’re not really that bad off, we whine a little – even if we’re not feeling that badly – just to feel justified in going for a two-hour massage.

“Love, I think my shoulder hurts…”

“My neck was stuff this morning….”

Whatever the reason, 2 hours and $15 later, it’s solved with some of the best massage either of us have encountered anywhere.

Milano Spa and Salon on Monkey Forest Road in Ubud also does hair, nails, foot massages, body scrubs and other assorted beauty treatments I don’t particularly care about. However, they have been my barber whenever I’ve needed a haircut in Bali.

Only this time, I remain in the midst of my ongoing barbers-around-the-world experiment. As some readers may recall, Emily encouraged me to leave my electric clippers/beard trimmer at home and see barbers everywhere we go. She expected it to be much cheaper than it’s turned out. Just France alone would have paid for a new set of clippers. But once we were far enough into our travels, going through the experience of visiting a barber everywhere became sort of a cultural study.

Some have been great, some a little odd – all educational. So far, France was the worst, Turkey the best and India was a strong contender.

Southeast Asia has thus far, been a very different barbering experience – even from the way I remember it. Here’s why: my face.

To my delight, when we met, Emily preferred when my face had stubble. She encouraged me to stop shaving and instead use my electronic clippers (no guard) to shave my face. So, given that I don’t shave with a razor like I did when I lived here and that I don’t have electric clippers with me, I have perplexed the good people at Milano’s by asking them to use clippers on my face the same as they would on my head.

Unlike the Greeks and Turks who probably invented stubble, the entire idea of using clippers on a face bewildered the people at Milano. I have gone for a shave three times now – getting a different person each time. While these people do every hairstyle imaginable and have shaved my head before – they each cocked their heads with disbelief when I explained what I wanted.

They had the tools. They had the training (I’m pretty sure they’ve been to some kind of barber or hairstyling school). There was no issue of language – their English is impeccable. It just made no sense to the stereotypically gay stylists there.

Nonetheless, each went bravely forward. Unlike the Turkish barbers who made me feel like I had just pulled into Jiffy Lube for a 14-point service, the Milano stylists worked gently, with finesse. It felt more like a summer breeze was blowing across my face than it did getting shaved.

In the end, they each got poor results. Little patches and corners that weren’t properly shaved. More length left than necessary. Poor attention to my neck. Disappointing.

Perhaps it’s because they’re a salon, not a barber shop. However, Bali doesn’t have many barber shops. I think they mostly cut each other’s hair. This salon also does a lot of foreign men’s haircuts – as they used to do mine before I started shaving my head. I’ve even seen them give professional shaves. It seems like if any place could have and should have – it would be Milano.

Instead, I did clean up work last night with a pair of scissors.

Bangkok was more interesting. Barbers are in important part of Thai culture. Every village, town and neighborhood has them. In many cases, Barber shops are the fronts for local prostitution dens. Thai men stop off for a trim, a shampoo and then some….

Barbers also come in a variety of “levels” from very basic operations with a chair and a sink in a tiled room to nicer salon-like places. There are also women’s hair stylists. Thais – like Americans – keep a strict distinction between barbers and hairstylists.

As my need for a shave became acute, I began scouting the back sois (alley streets) near our hotel for the nearest proper barber. There were many hairstylists, but only a few barbers – and only a barber will shave a face. The one closest to the hotel seemed to disappear a lot, so I had to expand my search.

On our last day in Bangkok, I was walking back from the post office, when I spotted a barber shop on the main street on which I was walking. There was a customer in the chair and no one waiting. The place was large with several chairs and good air conditioning.

Only one barber was working and he turned and stared at me with some surprise. I’m guessing not a lot of white guys walk into his shop. I asked if it was possible to get my head and face shaved with clippers. He said yes and to please have a seat on the sofa.

The barber was effeminately gay – as is completely acceptable in Thai society. Unlike America where a gay man might not do well in a men’s barber shop, straight men in Thailand have no discomfort or ridicule for gay men. In fact, I think they perceive them as better barbers.
So it was that the thirty-something year-old guy in the barber’s chair was admiring his new haircut and then enjoying a shave. Not that there was that much to shave. Thais typically don’t have thick beards and I imagine that shave lasted him about a week.

The barber worked gently on his client in perfect silence.

When it was done, they exchanged a few words and the client paid and left.

Then it was my turn. I explained what I wanted and the barber had no difficulty with the concept. He got right to work and was extremely meticulous. He clearly wanted to do a perfect job.

My Thai barber worked slowly, methodically and then every so often asked me a question softly, the way a masseuse might – so as not to disturb relaxation. Naturally, he was curious about how I spoke Thai, what I was doing in his shop and then a little bit about our travels.

He commented that the white in my beard makes me look much older than I am. Then when he was done shaving me, he said, “Much younger. And handsome. Shave more often.”

The Bangkok barber was the softest and careful one so far. He worked on me as if he was sculpting. I admired his dedication to his craft.

Although it didn’t quite match the spectacular form and expertise with which the Turkish barbers turned hairy men into well-groomed figures, it was impressive.

This barber matched my previous experience with Thai barbers. Very quiet and meticulous. It’s not the talk, hang-out and socialize culture of the Indian or Greek barbershops. It’s not the catch up on the affairs of the neighborhood feel of France.

It was a place where a client and his barber are in quiet partnership striving for an esthetically pleasing outcome via a comfortable experience.

In other words, it was very Thai.

So far, the Southeast Asian barbering experience seems in keeping with the region itself. Gentler, quieter and more esthetically focused than the barbering experiences of Regions 1 and 2.

I give the Bangkok barber high marks. He was true to his profession and his culture. He is also the first barber to give me a suggestion for better maintenance. That’s a professional.

Sent from my iPad