Take My Money…Please… And Our Late Night Ride

“Do you have a menu of your crepes?”

“No.”

“Well, how much are they?”

“It depends on what kind.”

“What kinds do you have?”

“Sweet or salty?”

“Sallty.”

“We have ham, cheese, turkey, mushroom….”

“And how much are they?”

“It depends.”

“Let’s say turkey and cheese.”

“€4”

“Great – can I get one, please?”

“We don’t make them until afternoon.”

I check the time – it’s 1:30 pm.

“Oh….”

“We make them after 2:00.”

“Okay, well, I’ll come back for them another time.”

And I did the next day. Only at 2:15pm they also didn’t have crepes and would have them at night. And the day after I was told they make them only after 4pm – which was fine because I wasn’t really expecting to order them anyway.

At the same place where Emily and I have gone the past two days to have lunch and use their wireless Internet – since it’s in a great spot, makes good food and they could care less about how long we hang around – I overheard another customer come in to order a waffle which are prominently advertised in front. “We don’t do waffles right now.” “But it says out front….” “Only in the evening,” the woman says, “at about 4pm. “

There is nothing particularly wrong with this crepe and waffle avoiding establishment. In fact, they are a very prominent business in town and they seem to make most of their money of their cheese pies and gelatos. These things are pre-made and require no on-site effort at all.

And it’s very typical to everywhere we go here. Last night the best seafood restaurant in town was out of several of their well known and highlighted specialties with no idea when they will have them again.

Yesterday, I decided I had enough of being too scruffy and went to the barber for a shave and a haircut. It was not two bits. When I arrived it the shop was closed for afternoon siesta which lasts from 1:30 to 5:00. I returned at 5:15, because we all know that 5:00 is more of a loose target than a reality. When I arrived, no one was there – the shop was still closed.

A man who was returning to open the neighboring store saw me and yelled back to the group of guys sitting and smoking at the nearby steps. “Kris!” I figured Kris was among them and would come because he had a customer. Two minutes later, Kris came. He looked mildly inconvenienced.

He said nothing as he approached, so I asked if this was his store. “Yes.” I then asked if he was opening yet, or if I should come back. “No, I’m just opening.” And so he did. He also needed a few minutes to turn on their air, music, tv and get set-up. Then his girlfriend stopped by to visit. They both smoked while they visited. Then he was ready for me.

Kris is a young guy – probably mid-twenties with his own shop in the middle of town. He has only one chair since he’s a one man operation. He works year-round and says there’s enough work to support him – but winter isn’t as good as summer. You would think, then he’d want to make as much as he can. Not really….

When we rented a motor scooter, I immediately brought out the money to give the rental man and he said not to bother – he’d get it later. I said, “But I have it here, I’m happy to pay.” “No, perhaps when you return the bike.” He did know where we live since he delivered it to us and the hotel owner is his cousin….

The hotel too was difficult to pay. We checked in with no forms, paperwork or questions. He still doesn’t have copies of our passports like most hotels require. Two days went by and there was no discussion of us paying. Finally, we decided to broach the subject. Nicholas, the extremely nice owner jokingly asked if we were in a hurry to pay him because we might spend it all first. Then he consented to be paid.

Only he doesn’t have a credit card reader. It was a Saturday. He told us to go to the bank Monday – with a nonchalance that suggested he really didn’t care if we did or not. When we finally paid him Monday, he didn’t check the wad of cash for accuracy. He just took it and set it on a desk and then went about his business.

For an island whose economy is driven by tourism and which has really half the year at the very most to make its money, you would think they’d be more interested in doing things to make it. We’ve been impressed with how limited menus are. We go to cafes to work where if they had a few more things on the menu, we’d spend money on lunch. When they list things on the menu, they often don’t have actually them.

The crepe place has the crepe makers in plain sight. They have the ingredients in the fridge and they make the crepes. But just not if they don’t feel like going to the trouble. So, instead of ordering a crepe for €4, I got a cheese pie for €1. Now, I’m not trying to promote materialistic greed. I’m not saying the American way is the right way. But, if I were this crepe place – which advertises crepes prominently – and this was my living, and I only had another month to two to make that living, I’d probably pour some batter for an extra €3.

Perhaps they’ve had a good summer and have already made the money they expect for the year. Perhaps they value sitting around doing nothing – and I mean nothing – rather than making a crepe and money at the same time. But the only real conclusion we’ve reached in our many discussions about how difficult it can be to spend our money when we want, is that no one gives a shit.

Island mentality? Government support? Having already had a good summer? Not needing too much? These are all possible. Of course, they’re all still showing up for work and opening the doors – so why not take the money when someone wants to spend it? This is what leads us back to the Not Giving A Shit Theory Of Patmosian Business.

That said, Nicholas the hotel owner does seem to know a few things about business. First, he’s extremely nice and helpful to us and all his guests. He told us last night that most of his business comes from returning customers and the referrals of prior customers. So, he understands that being a nice guy drives his business. He also told us that there are nice people in Patmos, and some shmucks (he didn’t really use Yiddish), but that he’s nice to everyone because that’s how you do business. So, someone is business-savvy.

This brings us to last night’s Nicholas adventure. Every time he drives by when we’re walking to or from the center of town, he stops and often insists on giving us a ride on the all of fifteen minute maximum walk. Last night as we were almost to the hotel, he pulled over – wife and five year old daughter in the small size, beaten up Hyundai sedan – and asked us if we would like to come with them? No destination was offered. Emily and I looked at each other. Why not? “Sure!” Into the car we crammed and off we went.

We then learned many things. First, we were headed to Hora – the tiny town at the top of the hill with the gigantic monastery. Second, the five year old girl is their daughter, not granddaughter. They have three kids, the oldest 29, the second 27 and then the 5 year old. By our calculations, Nicholas’ wife had this kid at about age 45. Wow.
We also learned that most of the island’s water is imported by boat from neighboring Kos. But it rains a lot in the winter. Patmos just doesn’t collect it well. But Nicholas likes having a garden and his own water supply, so he build a huge cistern behind the hotel. He’s very proud of it.

That’s when we learned that in the off season, he repairs homes. He’s apparently, very handy and works on his own properties as well as others. Because of this, he says he knows everyone. “I know all the old people, just not the babies.”

We were whisked away to the top of Hora where three old fashioned Greek windmills stand. Apparently, they were restored recently. Nicholas drove as close as possible to the windmill, guided us through someone’s side yard – he of course knew the woman and greeted her as we tromped past her house at 10pm – and took us to the base of the lit-up windmills while his wife and daughter stayed behind.

“You need air to turn and make bread. So, they build them up here – lots of air. If they build down in Skala, they would have no bread!”

He had us stand in front of the windmills while used our camera to take photos of us. He gave us the quick tour and we were leaving when he ran into his teenage niece and a bunch of her friends climbing up the hill. They kissed and he took her to see his wife and daughter. “And that one is her boyfriend…” he said with a chuckle. She was busted.

We jumped back in the car and Nicholas drove us down the beautiful long, windy road overlooking the beaches and coast (as most roads here do). It turned out that the purpose of the journey was to drive along the southern edge of the island to see if he could see the ferry crossing from Kos. He had two new guests coming in and he wanted to know how long until they arrived – so the best thing was to take drive to see how far the ferry way. It turned out it was about an hour away in his expert estimate.

As we drove, Nicholas told us which restaurants were best and about his 15 uncles and where they lived. We learned how one of them went to America where he learned to make pizza working at a pizzeria and then came back to Patmos to introduce the people to pizza. He founded the islands first pizzeria and then taught others to carry on the pizza making before he died. Nicholas’ uncle is the founding father of pizza here on Patmos.

Best yet, we learned how Rhodes and Kos are too big “they are like England” – meaning too urban. In Rhodes there is too much loud partying, “they are making sex in the streets!” This is why Patmos is good – he said about a minute before he honked at a couple making out on a hillside bench and drove away laughing.

Just as we were turning down the tiny road back to the hotel and the fun seemed over, we hit the highlight of the evening. A taxi was in the one-way road, turned off, no driver. On the other side was a car and annoyed driver waiting to get out – also blocked by the taxi. Nicholas got out, and yelled for the taxi driver. No response came. So, he opened the taxi’s door and honked it’s horn.

Nicholas didn’t wait for the taxi driver before he started walking back to the car. As the taxi driver emerged, carrying luggage to his car, Nicholas felt vindicated. But then, he reversed out of there, made a sharp turn and barreled down a small, bumpy side road. He had another entrance to his property he created for precisely such moments. A short bumpy ride later and we were back at the Bat Cave.

And we would absolutely recommend to anyone staying with Nicholas.

Sent from my iPad