Sitting on the beach at Vagia – Ethan’s current favorite – he told me, “I keep thinking I’m back home, because this doesn’t seem real. It’s really hard to believe this is real.”
That’s a sentiment I’ve heard – and experienced – many times. Until you REALLY get used to it, Patmos does not seem real.
Sometimes I’ve thought there’s a quality that resembles The Neighborhood of Make Believe on Mr Rogers. The ferry acts like the trolley – which transitions us from real life to a magic pretend world. Once inside the pretend world, there are many interesting characters – usually friendly – who despite their antics, focus on some of the most important values we have as humans – love, family, trust, friendship, caring, fairness, repair, forgiveness.
Not unlike Patmos.
And that’s where the real magic is – it’s not just an unbelievably beautiful island with quaint towns, homes and shops, it’s a place where the people and culture are kind, friendly, warm and focused on being human. Patmos has what we might in our current context of social-political discourse call conservative values. They don’t judge people for divorce, but they would prefer families stay together. No one is treated poorly for having a sexuality other than hetero, but they aren’t embracing non-binary, transgender, pan or poly-anything – and they certainly aren’t waiving any flags.
There is no doubt I get more positive attention when I have my kids. By and large, the people of Patmos love the narrative of the American single-dad who bought a house and brings his kids every summer. They like my kids, I’m friendly and positive – we fit the family-focused, Patmos loving Patmian narrative. Given the mezzuzot on the doors and a couple of people having asked if we’re Jewish – my guess is the larger network knows. It doesn’t seem to affect anything. We’re greeted more warmly now than our first summer with the house three years ago.
The big political issues here seem to be things that make a lot of sense to me: how many cruise boats should be allowed to visit; keeping their own diesel power plant instead of receiving electricity by undersea cable from nearby, larger islands; and helmet laws (the one issue I where I really part ways. There’s no hospital here – wear the helmets, they save lives. Same with the seatbelts).
“I wouldn’t want that job in my wildest nightmares!” Theologia who owns the Proton Supermarket told me the other day when I joked she’s like the mayor of Patmos. “It’s an impossible job!”
Nikitas, the son of our friend and neighbor Kristos, is the mayor – so I actually know him. As Theologia pointed out, the problem is saying “no” to people. You’re likely related to them and if you’re not, they’re your neighbor or colleague or the person you do business with in one way or another. On an island of 3,000 people, you definitely can’t please everyone and there’s a good chance of pleasing no one. Especially when each person has a “special relationship” with you and thinks you should listen to them.
I’m still sore they took the garbage bins away from the parking lot at the port. They were very convenient. But that’s just me.
Of course, none of this matters to Ethan looking out from his chair at Vagia. Nor to Sennen or Ailyn playing in the water – less contemplative about how real Patmos feels. They just see and feel the whole package.
The part that matters most they intuit as much as they see – they are safe and free. This morning, before going to the beach, the boys wanted to ride their bikes around town – just to see what was going on. They all run errands. Ailyn goes shopping with her spending money – a little at a time, to make it last for days and weeks. They can go out at 10pm. Patmos gives me the freedom to give them freedom. In no small part because Patmos’s values are clear and whatever squabbles there may be, they maintain a cohesive community.
Sennen and Ailyn and I don’t have to discuss it yet. We may never – because they absorb it by osmosis. My kids might not articulate what makes Patmos such a place and a nice community, but they probably can figure it out if asked. Ethan’s still waiting to see if he wakes up in California – so he may be a bit behind still. But he also knows people are friendly and he has a kind of freedom he doesn’t get elsewhere.
This morning at Ta Kardasia, I was getting the pies for lunch and chatting with Matoula, the owner. She’s the one with the 13-year-old daughter we met on the ferry. The kids have since run into Sabina several times. I told Matola how kind Sabina is and how every time she sees me or my kids she always say hello. She seems like a genuinely kind girl. I remember last year when she was having her birthday party at Cafe Mostra and how many kids were at her party celebrating with her.
Without a beat Matoula said, “It is almost her birthday! we should invite the boys! Savina would love that! Why don’t you give me your phone number so we can include you?”
I was so touched – it was so warm, generous and sincere.
The boys took something else from it. When I told them the story, they didn’t miss a beat realizing what an invite to Savina’s birthday party could mean for them, “Baddies!” (hot girls). I suppose it’s true – if two 13-year-olds want a chance to meet some Greek girls for the summer, Savina’s party might be their big opportunity.
It’s like Greece meets Grease.
I suppose community means many things to many people. Just so long as their summer nights don’t include anyone saying they “got down in the sand” – we’ll be fine.
