Within ten minutes I had a marriage proposal and a business proposal that may really have been both. Massage ladies rove the beaches of Ko Samet offering a variety of massage options, hair braiding and mani/pedis. I was chillin' at my beach chair reading, having just enjoyed a top notch coconut smoothie when a massage lady came by looking for her next client. I decided a foot/leg massage sounded good because I didn't even have to get up from my chair for it.
Over the years, I have had countless beach massages in Thailand and while there has been occasionally humorous repartee and the occasional bad massage, until yesterday none had involved an actual proposal. I didn't see it coming – because why would I? Once the woman discovered I spoke Thai, she asked all the usual questions – where I'm from, what I'm doing on Ko Samet, how do I know Thai, do I have a Thai girlfriend or wife, what do I do for a living, how long is my vacation….etc, etc, etc. Once she had put together that I'm divorced, 46 (two years younger than her) and without a Thai girlfriend nor was my prior wife Thai, she asked if I would like a Thai wife or if I had "work" for her.
Given she was rubbing my leg at that very moment, things suddenly felt very weird, very fast. There are many layers to what made that moment weird, none of which we need to break down. And while I have turned down offers for "additional services" before, they have always been accepted in as business-y a manner as they are offered. I assumed this too could be declined as easily, but maybe needed a touch more kindness since it did feel a touch more personal.
I tried the laugh and smile as if she was joking. But she gave me a look that let me know she was not joking.
So I smiled and kindly said that I was JUST divorced and this isn't the time for me to have a wife or girlfriend – I just need some time single. In other words, "it's not you, it's me." And not, "I'm not a walking wallet, nor am I hiring a wife over a foot massage."
" I see, you're just divorced and you need to be single…." she said. "But maybe you will need a wife or you just have a job for me….?"
"I just need to be single for now."
Then I quickly dove into my book. When another massage lady came over to chat with her, my masseuse gave a quick rundown of my story and kept looking at me to respond. I pretended that I wasn't listening. It was awkward and not such an enjoyable massage.
Afterward I wondered what to think about the experience. Does it get put on the shelf with all of the indecent massage proposals I've declined over the years? Or did I get it because I'm now middle aged? At 24, three massage girls offered to go to Ko Samet for three days with me and my two friends who were all getting perfectly legit massages in Bangkok. But we were all three 24 to 27 and single. Our decline to what seemed like a fairly whimsical offer was accepted graciously. And we tipped them well.
But here I am being offered a wife on ten minutes notice. I have to think it's just another result of being in a different place in life. And who knows, maybe for some guy that's a great offer?
Just as interesting as what changes is which things remain constant. While Ko Samet has developed in some really significant ways – 24-hour electricity, larger water supply, bigger hotels, more air conditioning, more fire twirling, fewer restaurants offering eggs and banana pancakes as their only western breakfast options, more legit Thai iced tea, fewer stray dogs etc – one thing that sadly remains the same is the ubiquitous use of bottled water. Trucks loaded to the max distribute innumerable cases of bottled water each day to all of the restaurants, hotels and shops throughout the island. Sadly and not surprisingly, some of those plastic bottles end up on the beach. I saw one yesterday encrusted in barnacles! The staffs of the beachside restaurants, bars and hotels are pretty good about cleaning up what tourists leave behind or what washes ashore – but I imagine for every plastic bottle I see, there are many more floating around the environment doing damage.
It's not just Ko Samet either. All of Thailand is a "drink only bottled water" country. When I first came to Thailand I figured the water wasn't treated properly. Then it was pointed out to me that a city as big as Bangkok wasn't dispensing untreated water. I did some research. Indeed Bangkok and most Thai provinces do treat their water to an equivalent standard as the United States. What makes the water unsafe is the piping. Plastic PVC piping is prevalent, cheap and what makes up the majority of Thailand's plumbing infrastructure. Because PVC easily micro fissures and degrades, the water that comes to a home or restaurant can't be presumed safe.
As the price of filtration systems has dropped and the average Thai income – and the economy in general has strengthened, there are more homes and businesses filtering their water. Water dispensing machines have sprung up in most neighborhoods allowing people to refills water jugs with clean, filtered water for five baht – a perfectly affordable price. Still, plastic remains king. And with the increase in higher end beverages – coffees, bubble teas, etc – in Thai malls and streets, the plastic problem is only spreading and shifting.
The great irony is the use of plastic piping makes water unclean therefore we need more plastic to get clean drinks.
Like so many things, plastic is a tragedy of the commons issue. No one wants to undertake the cost of re-plumbing homes, buildings and even public water lines. Builders don't want the expenses of higher grade materials. But the costs in sheer plastic as well as to society including people's health as the extent of the impact of micro-plastic consumption remains unclear – is huge. To me it feels the same as electricity lines in California. If they break and cause massive wildfires, why don't we move them underground like where I live? If the cost of wildfires ranges into the billions and insurers are pulling out of California because of them, wouldn't the costs of moving power lines underground – billions though it may cost – still be the same or less than the cost of the wildfires themselves, only without the loss of life and property?
Maybe my island brain isn't sharp enough to think of a solution. No matter what Tragedy Of The Commons problems are difficult to solve and require Singaporean style economic and social engineering. If one has the political will and means to do it. It's unlikely anyone in Thailand does. But wouldn't it be nice for my massage lady to one day find herself sipping filtered water next to a clean sea with her new 48 year-old German husband?
