Anxiety

Numerous emails from Sennen's school and the school district have been filling our inboxes. We have at least three online platforms to register for or update. It's the replacement of the reams of papers that schools sent home to our parents before and on the first day of school. There are not one, but two school kick-off events before the first day of classes – one of which includes the big reveal about which teacher your kid(s) have for the year. So much for posting the class rosters on the office windows like they did in my day where the kids and parents then celebrated, commiserated or plotted their "talk" with the principal.

Registrations for after-school activities and sports programs. Birthday party invitations. Plans for inducting our next au pair. All the numerous details of organizing and managing our normal life are coming bubbling up in our inboxes, texts and minds. A certain anxiety has begun to creep in.

While I recognize that I come from a particular place and represent a certain socio-economic group's experience – I feel like America is a society where anxiety is one of our major diseases. The fact that we struggle with heart disease, cancer and talk a lot about anger and stress management certainly seem to validate my perception.

I see it among the people we know. The parents who glean every detail about how the school system works and make sure to navigate the sometimes frustratingly complex maze of registrations, supplemental services, enrichments, volunteering, school projects, fundraising…. Also the after school activities – figuring out the right ones, meeting the registration deadlines, making sure the schedules work so it's logistically possible to get each kid to each activity. Managing raising a middle-class child's life is a job.

But it's the innumerable bills, taxes, service plans, critical emails, customer service issues, tech support, home repairs, errands, product choices, news stories, pro tips, best practices, etc that leave people's heads spinning and cortisol levels spiking. Ironically, the very act of scheduling-in the gym or exercise class can be a stressor in itself. Anxiety is the order of the day.

It's not surprising that upper-middle-class Americans are anxious. Anxiety stems from feelings of uncertainty and dissonance. The more you have, the more you have to lose and for so many of us, if we have what our parents had, it feels like it might have come by happy accident – or that it could be fleeting. As if the forces of the economy and society may quietly erode the structure of our lives like termites – always present, but imperceptible. Or that an unexpected storm might come along and take down all we have like the fires did to so many last November. The wonder and privilege of our lives is the risk – because it's not only not for granted, but the American Dream sometimes feels like it's on the decline.

Of course it's all perception. The media certainly fuels this feeling of fear, doom and anxiety. The news channels, sites and feeds sell the adrenaline rush – making sure people wake up each morning angry and in fear.  When I calmly think about it, I'm not sure I'm facing anything worse or more dangerous than my parents faced. They may have had an easier time getting into a house, but living on one income – especially one driven largely by commissions – has its distinct risks and anxieties. My mother may not have worked full-time, but I can say at this point in my life I'm quite sure that being home with my kids full-time and being fully responsible for a household would be much more challenging for me than balancing work and life as I do now. And while we fear very serious threats like global warming, mass shootings and powerful wildfires – we also don't fear polio, AIDS, nuclear war or watching our children drafted. I think of my grandfather who navigated a plane over Germany to help drop bombs in a fight for the direction of our global civilization at one of the darkest moments of humankind. That is not my generation's burden to bear – it was done for us. 

Instead, our anxiety is driven by two opposite forces – knowing too much and not knowing enough. Unlike any previous generation for which information was a the scarcest and most valuable commodity, the age of Internet and electronic media we are bombarded by data and information – but we are incapable of sorting through and processing it to glean useful insights and make clear decisions. Many of us are well educated and understand that getting information is critical – but are almost lost in the torrent of it, some of which is conflicting and/or misinformation. Among all the things flooding our screens are tons of often poorly considered opinions that live in the zeitgeist.

So, we know enough to know that conventional strawberries may carry too many dangerous pesticides, but not enough to know whether the organic ones are actually Good. We can know that you can't get through life without a doctor and reliance on conventional medicine, but we know enough to be aware that doctors and the medical system in general aren't always working in our interest or being as thorough as we need. 

In America, we value our freedom, our choices. Selecting which of many products we might want is generally considered one of the great successes of our free-market capitalism. At the same time, too much choice creates anxiety. We want to make the RIGHT choice and without enough information, that can be very hard. I think that's part of the popularity of Trader Joe's and Costco – they narrow everything down to one of two products of each kind. At Trader Joe's it's almost all their brand – the questions is do I want organic or not? Costco offers house brand or name brand. We assume they've done the homework for us and that they in some way have our best interests at heart. It reduces the anxiety.

Simultaneously we don't know enough about how our world works. The feeling of an unforeseen danger comes in part from the fact that no one – not even the Chairman of the Federal Reserve – actually understands the entirety of the US of global economy. There are so many interrelated pieces that something that seems far away and beyond our comprehension could come home to bite us. Will Trump's trade war destroy us? Does the price of rice in India affect my job in the tech sector? Can a hurricane in Charlotte kill my access to my money? Will healthcare reform increase or decrease the level of coverage I can provide to my family? If the FDA approves cell-cultured meat – what are the environmental, economic and health implications? If I invest for my retirement in a mutual fund with solid performance, am I unknowingly funding some evil enterprise with which I would be ashamed to be associated? How many of us can see all the threads and linkages that bind our now global world? And what if any of those threads are pulled loose or come back to haunt me? It feels sometimes like our houses may unknowingly be built of straw.

I'm not sure that anyone else is free from this suffering. The US Trade War with China may well be adversely affecting Laotians who seem about as far removed from the politics and finances of the world as any people I've yet encountered. I doubt that Greeks have three online portals for each of their children's public education or stacks of paperwork in their stead. I know they don't have nearly as many varieties of each product in their supermarkets and thanks to stricter EU health standards have a little less reason to worry about the chemicals in their meat, dairy and produce. But even the people I have met who are relatively successful feel somewhat trapped by the limits of their economy and how the world seems to have some kind of leverage over their country and therefore destiny.

Still, being in Patmos these last two months has been a downshift in the anxiety around us – and in ourselves. We were more fun, playful and lighthearted. Like we say every vacation, we want to bring that feeling home with us – let some of the anxiety fall by the wayside. But it's challenging because in order to avoid it – you have to remember that the online portals don't REALLY matter. And that if you miss the deadline for soccer sign-ups, life will be okay. Or that waiting on hold to resolve an insurance claims is not that much of a hardship. After all, we are very fortunate if that's the worst thing in our day. We can ignore or filter our news feeds – choose our news sources better (www.channelnewsasia.com is what I recommend). And remember that the news and information that comes our way usually has an angle or agenda that we have to see our way through before internalizing. It's just that in Greece, somehow we haven't had to.