Apropos Of Everything

I should have seen it coming. Five days ago I walked outside and Christos at Cafe Mostra called me over. In Gree-glish he told me Michaelis the gardener has a bill. for me and presented a hand-written scrap of paper in Greek with a large numeric total. I half-expected Michaelis to ask for money for the work he performed in April clearing the overgrowth in my yard, but I wasn't expecting such a large bill. 

Moreover, I have my issues and concerns with Michaelis (the gardener – not Michaelis who owns the laundry, or the Sarampelou wine bar or the smart young waiter at Glykanisos – it's important on Patmos to keep our Michaelises straight).

Issue 1: I paid Michaelis 130 euros last summer before leaving to maintain the yard monthly while I was gone. In April he did a big project to clear overgrowth. Why had he needed to if he was doing monthly maintenance? Shouldn't my 130 euros have prevented it? 

Issue 2: Michaelis was alleged by multiple sources to have thrown out a brand new 110 euro storage bin I bought at the end of last summer and kept on the side of the house. In it was about 150 euros worth of personal effects including things like water shoes, Sennen's soccer ball, Ailyn's arts and crafts, etc – things I wouldn't want inside in the event of an Airbnb stay. If he threw away 260 or so euros of my stuff, how is that being accounted for?

I "asked" Christos if I could give him the money to in turn give to Michaelis since I don't know how to otherwise find Michaelis. 

We can call this Issue 0. I never chose Michaelis. Michaelis is Christos' gardener and may have also worked for Maria and Ioannis when they had the house. Last summer when I looked into hiring a gardener, the one I was referred to was chased away when he came to inspect the property. A small part of what is functionally my lawn actually belongs to Cafe Mostra and Kelari Pizza – the two business the hide my house from the street. Christos prefers Michaelis and somehow, my ability to choose a gardener was curtailed in part to keep neighborhood harmony and also because the gardener I sourced wouldn't take the job due to his own concerns about harmony – he's friends with Michaelis and wouldn't want to steal a gig from him. This means I am effectively stuck with a monopoly situation.

I knew I didn't want to pay the bill as-is. But I wasn't sure what to do. After an afternoon's thought, I decided I needed to use a lifeline. And that lifeline would probably best be a bi-cultural Patmian.

Prokopis, the Australian-Patmian who owns the hardware store seemed the ideal choice. Not only is he naturally bilingual and culturally ambidextrous, but contractors and gardeners are his domain. He would probably know the players, the rules and be able to straighten things out.

It took me two days to find Prokopis. There was a minor religious holiday during which he closed the shop. The second day he was able to talk briefly. He translated the bill which had two components: two dump truck loads and services rendered. Prokopis felt the rates were market-fair and said the dump truck loads were slightly cheaper than what he had just paid for a project at his own house. However, it was unclear what the labor was for. Surprisingly, it was also unclear – at least to Prokopis – WHO Michaelis even was. Unlike so many Patmians, simply saying "Michaelis the Gardener" didn't ring a bell – which raises a number of other questions. 

I went in hoping Prokopis would step in, gather the parties and act as something between a Judge Judy and the Austro-Patmian father I never knew. Unfortunately, without knowing the mystery Michaelis – although Prokopis' son thought he might know who we were talking about – and having a lot on his own plate that day, Prokopis wasn't eager to mediate. Instead he felt that since Michaelis is Christos' man, I should talk to Christos and see if he could resolve the situation.

While I felt I had received as much as I could expect out of kindness from Porkopis – and his suggestion was completely logical – it was also very imperfect. Christos and Michaelis speak little and no English respectively and again, I would have no cultural bridge. Nonetheless, speaking to Christos seemed like the most direct and mature thing to do. So I turned to my last reliable friend – Google Translate.

The next morning, I found Christos and presented my phone with translated note asking if I could speak with Michaelis to address Issues 1 and 2. He read and made several faces indicating he understood, but this was a complicated issue. He then said, "Michaelis – no English." I translated back that perhaps I could find someone to translate for us. Christos agreed to get Michaelis for a talk, but made it clear with some miming and "No Christos!:" that he did not want to mediate. It was up to me to work it out with Michaelis.

The next morning, Michaelis knocked at my door. I used all the Greek pleasantries I had  leaving us quickly without anything to say. An older gentleman with kind blue eyes, he motioned me to come out. With my mom and Matheus at home with the kids, I followed – in my orange Thai fisherman pants/jammies – to Christos who had only the word, "Eirini!"

Meaning we should go just down the street to Eirini at Nektar who speaks excellent English. This made sense – only I wondered if Eirini knew we would be coming.

She did not.

All the same, once Eirini got off the phone, she was generous in giving her assistance. To my surprise, she introduced herself to Michaelis – they had never met despite the fact that he had gardened for years 50 feet from her shop. Who is this mystery man?!

Then we dove into the business at hand. I showed her the "invoice", explained what happened including Issues 1 and 2 – and then she translated, taking it issue by issue. After talking with Michaelis, it was explained to me the reason for the two truck loads and the many labor hours was that Michaelis didn't just work on the yard in April – he helped remove lots of debris from the renovation work and then took care of the paving stones of the house. Apparently, the contractors used his labor to help with the clean-up from their job. On Issue 2, he claimed one of the contractors told him to clear everything including the storage bin. He didn't realize the mistake and felt badly – but he was just following direction.

These things seemed plausible and as nice a man as Mystery/Gardener Michaelis is, he also struck me as not the brightest. I got the feeling from Eirini and her interactions this might be the case. So I decided to take Michaelis at face value. In turn, he took a small amount off his labor bill.

"If you want to know my opinion," Eirini advised me. "I would pay this man. Otherwise no locals will ever work for you again."

It was clear from Eirini's tone throughout she didn't necessarily agree with Michaelis/the contractors' actions – but in a community like Patmos, you sometimes have to go along to get along – or perhaps more accurately to fight another day. Eirini herself recently had a shipment of very popular crackers many of her customers were eagerly waiting for (I'm dying to try them now) that despite being confirmed as delivered to Patmos, she could not get access to. Something went wrong with the local shipping agent and she waited days more to get the goods. However, she has to walk the line of not being taken advantage of and keeping the goodwill of key people in her supply chain.

Basically my same situation.

On that note, I thanked Michaelis for his time, work and discount and said I would get the money to Christos to relay to him in the next day or two. Court was adjourned and I thanked Judge Eirini for her help.

Mohammad, my main contractor claims it was not he who authorized Michaelis to remove my bin, but the plumbers' people. Having met the plumber and knowing he was responsible for many of the delays – I actually believe Mohammad. Mohammad also advised me not to pay again for monthly maintenance, but to just arrange an annual cleanup in the spring, since that's what Michaelis really does anyway. Also, I should get someone like Eirini to help elucidate an agreement between me and Michaelis for how the house is to be handled in my absence for this coming year. Sound advice. 

This morning I went to the ATM and then to Christos. Ironically and completely apropos of everything Eirini shared, I asked Christos if Michaelis can come and clean up the yard soon – the grass is getting too long.