Divide To Unite

There's no nice way to say it – our children have been fussier and whinier than usual. Ailyn is having infrequent – but uncharacteristic tantrums where she stomps her feet and Sennen kvetches and sometimes just can't stop talking. Both of them sometimes feel like yappy, jumpy dogs trying constantly to grab attention. I'm not a fan of small, yappy, jumpy dogs.

Certainly, these issues have reduced each day since we made it to Patmos. For some time, we have suspected they need some stability and we can see where it's helping. But they aren't within normal annoying behavior parameters yet. It occurred to us that perhaps our kids need a tune-up. This is when we refer to the hierarchy of child behavior:

Tier 1: Friends' Parents = Best Behavior

Tier 2: Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins = Excellent Behavior

Tier 3: Au Pair = Great Behavior

Tier 4: One Child to One Parent = Very Good Behavior

Tier 5: Two Children to One Parent = Pretty Good Behavior

Tier 6: Two Children to Two Parents = Worst Behavior

Our kids have been in a Tier 6 situation for quite awhile. And when they're Tier 6, so are we. Emily and I realized a reset was long overdue. So, today we decided to divide and conquer with a jump to Tier 4.

After a leisurely Sunday morning – sleeping in and having breakfast, everyone got ready for the day to head out in pairs: Emily with Ailyn, me with Sennen. Of course, before we left Ailyn had a foot stamping tantrum about whether or not to go to Hora with Emily and almost didn't get to go anywhere. But when it was all said and done – we all took an unplanned trip to the playground to let off some steam before our pairs went their separate ways.

Both kids were so happy and sweet at the playground and got expectedly even better once we split off into "special time". It didn't take any great or exciting plans. Sennen and I walked to the beach near the playground, then to a cheap lunch at the gelateria which has great spinach and cheese pies before walking around town, looking at boats, talking about topics he's curious about, buying postcards that he wants to write to family at home, getting an afternoon gelato and grocery shopping. Emily took Ailyn on a walk, got pizza, afternoon gelato and went shopping. Our groups ran into each other at afternoon gelato – clearly a staple of Patmos life.

Both kids responded very well and were light, easy and sweet. Sennen always has so many things he's thinking about and was happy to get my attention to answer his questions and help him with context with everything about which kinds of boats dock at the marina to why older women can't have babies to cell division and cancer. He also told me about why he likes Patmos better than home and why he thinks we should live on Patmos forever. I gave him some reasons why it didn't make sense to me – and we had a long, thoughtful discussion on life priorities and values.

After he got tired at the supermarket, we agreed to go home where we could receive our grocery delivery and he could write his postcards. Cousins were first on his list. 

Twenty minutes later, Ailyn came home with a head-to-toe new outfit, "I have a new white dress, new pink shoes, a new pink cap, isn't it amazing?! Ta da!" She did well for herself with "special time". Emily reported they had nothing but fun.

Of course, it didn't solve everything. Once they were back together, there was some minor squabbling about how to play ball together and who got to do what first. After that, they settled into being easy with one-another and more relaxed. They also seem less like yappy, little dogs and a bit more grounded. Certainly, we all enjoyed the beautiful, sunny, breezy day.

And then we capped it with our first dinner at home. Nothing fancy – some chicken with Greek seasoning, Greek zucchini in olive oil, giant fresh green beans and some yellow lentils with Greek saffron. It was a first attempt at putting our small kitchen to work. But the wonderful part was that it added some normalcy to life. We opened up the windows, got a nice cross-breeze running through the house, played music, put away groceries, cooked  - and it felt like home. 

Then we did something we don't do at home – ate on the rooftop terrace. On a very breezy evening such as this, it was a mixed result: a beautiful view, cool refreshing air, fun change of pace, Sennen scared of a fluttering tarp overhead, Ailyn saying she couldn't eat because it was too windy… our kids needed to adjust a little before they could enjoy. But by the time Emily brought the fresh-cut watermelon that she worked VERY HARD to cut with only a steak knife (bigger knife is on our purchase list now) in a very small kitchen, up to the roof – everyone was happy and enjoying.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and by the time dinner was over, both kids were getting tired. They became whinier and their listening sort of sucked. But we got through shower and bedtime unscathed and the day ended pretty well.

It's hard to tell – and with kids every day is different – but it felt like today Sennen and Ailyn each got something they needed. Maybe it was some time apart, maybe it was some undivided parental attention, maybe a change of pace having an unstructured Sunday with no plans. Or maybe some combination of any or all of these. What I can say for sure is that at the end of the day, I felt a lot more at ease, connected to, and less frustrated with Sennen. And that can only yield dividends. We're all a part of the equation and ours is just starting to balance here in Patmos.