"I love Patmos! We are so lucky to be here!" Sennen said as he returned from the bread bakery with a loaf for the day's sandwiches.
"What makes you say that?" I asked.
"Because it's pretty and the people are so nice and they know us and we go and get bread bakery and it's just so special!"
I totally agree.
This year I've been increasing responsibility while loosening the reins on the kids. They have more chores and errands, but also the freedom to go perform them. Sennen likes getting the morning bread and trades off days with Ailyn taking out garbage and/or recycling – which has to be walked to a collection of bins in the back of town near the playground. Recycling must be sorted which is part of the job. Ailyn has gone to several stores alone including the cosmetics shop to buy shampoo, conditioner and a hair clip. At various times, they've gone together to get gelato, go to the playground, play with Sennen's Diablo yo-yo in the town square, shop for clothing at nearby shops, the gym where they workout with Coach Thanasis and most recently to the further realms of the butcher and pie bakery.
This is what local kids do and whenever I see a merchant who has had the kids at their shop, I'm told I'm doing a good job of letting them do more – and that they are very polite and respectful.
"The pie bakery lady was SO NICE!" Ailyn said – on top of the world that she had independently picked up lunch. "She called me over to her (instead of the employees) and after getting our pies told me to say hello to my father for her."
A completely imaginable report.
Today's report by the lady who owns Ta Kardasia pie bakery, "This is good you are letting your kids do this. Your daughter came in. She was very polite, very nice. She;'s doing very good! Tell her hello for me!"
Andreas who owns Marechairo Gelateria has told me many times how great the kids are when they come to him. And Coach Thanasis texted me yesterday, "You have very good kids. Congratulations!"
From beach chair attendants to shop owners around Skala, I have received the nod or the thumbs up for how Sennen and Ailyn are independent and take on responsibility. Christos at Mostra clearly approves of the garbage and recycling duties.
A few weeks ago in Athens, the driver who took me from the ferry to the Sofitel told me, "This is a very smart thing you're doing this house in Patmos! Very smart. It will be very good for you and your children. This is maybe the smartest thing you can do." Many Greeks have said something very similar – the idea being the wholesome life of Patmos is a gift to anyone, but especially the kids. Making Patmos a fixture in their upbringing is good for them.
Of course it's not completely clear what our situation is – which Sennen brings up often including yesterday after Ailyn's successful Ta Kardasia errand.
"What exactly are we? How do you think people here see us? We're not tourists and they don't treat us that way. But we don't live here all the time. We're not one of them. So what do people think we are?" Sennen asked.
"I think exactly what you said, Sennen," I responded. "We have a place here, but it's not the same place as a Patmian. We're part of things. There are lots of people with summer homes or who visit every year - they have a place here. It's kind of its own status."
Like me, Sennen wants some kind of belonging here. With each year – and with having a house – the community seems increasingly ours, so shouldn't we also be theirs? Ailyn pointed out that because in 2022 I stayed off-season, more people seem to know me – which is true. I'm taken a little more seriously for not just being a "summer person" – especially because off-season they could get to know me better. That helps us in a way. Though I think the kids running errands around town might make more of a difference since locals respect it and pay special attention to kids doing independent errands.
Today Sennen went next-level and went to the butcher on his own. Tassos the butcher's shop is an inner-sanctum locale. Locals gather and chat at Tassos' shop. No one who works there speaks really good English, not the least Tassos who I have an entire relationship with in broken English and pantomime – though like with Christos, I feel we have good communication. Tassos' very kind wife has the best English and it certainly is enough to exchange pleasantries and make purchases. Since we arrived, Sennen has been coming with me to the butcher and has learned the landscape of what we order and need well enough that I felt he could manage. Not only did he come back with the right unseasoned souvlaki kebabs, but he was able to explain why he got these and not another kind because of a refrigerator issue. Honestly, that was more information than I think I've ever picked up in that shop. I'd rate that a high success.
Yesterday on one of my errands, I learned maybe being not quite in, not quite out is not a bad place to be. I stopped by Proton, a smaller, local grocery within a quick walk of our house to grab a few items – not the big shop we'd usually do at Alpha Beta, the big (and only) chain store. There's an older woman always at the check stand who speaks almost perfect British English though she swears she was born and raised on Patmos and has no foreign parentage. While I've seen this woman over the course of years, this summer I've begun chatting with her more – especially as I find Proton an increasingly convenient resource.
Yesterday evening I asked if she ever leaves – I see her there in the morning and still at night.
"No, I'm not glued to the chair," she laughed. "But it might seem like that. For years I was." she explained.
"Is this your shop?" I asked, deciding to confirm my longstanding assumption before possibly taking a wrong step.
"Yes, it is. And for many years, I was here all the time. Now, I have people, my children are involved and it's not so bad. I go home in the afternoon, cook, take a rest and go for a swim. Then I come back," she said. "But there were many years after my husband died when I was here all the time."
I learned the store owner's husband didn't just pass recently as I originally guessed, but 25 years ago when she still had young children at home.
"It was terrible. I had nothing but the shop and I was on my own," the woman explained. "But one thing you will learn, we here on Patmos have a lot of faith and the Mother Mary she helped me, she gave me the strength and guided me through!"
"I would also imagine you had the community here.'
"You know, it's not always like it seems. I was really on my own. We have a saying, 'Inside the front door you're on your own.' It's true. When the door closes, it's just you."
I'm not sure if her translation was as perfect as her English usually is, but I took from it the idea that we're all alone in the dark. No one was going to solve this woman's problems for her – and of course nothing was going to bring back her husband and her children's father.
"You know, the water is very healing," the store owner explained to me. "That's why I go for a swim everyday. Back then I went to the beach – this beach over here (pointing toward nearby Choklakas Beach) everyday."
"The sunsets there are so beautiful. I can imagine that helping," I said batting zero.
"No, I never saw a sunset! I could never get out at that time," she said. I immediately apologized – not thinking. "No, I went every night after closing the store. I just sat there with the stars and wind and took a breath. And God heard me and my prayers."
The store owner's tale was the first I've heard like it on Patmos – but perhaps I just haven't heard enough? I didn't ask about her family – did she have a lot or not? Were they wealthy or not? Was the community initially supportive and just forgot with time? Or did no one show up for her at all? Or perhaps if I asked around others might have some very different perceptions? I'm just not inside enough to know and these aren't really my questions to ask. I can just bear witness to her narrative and offer some empathy.
Undoubtedly, our budding relationship is better off for the conversation. Maybe it's even a sign of moving closer to being an "inside person". I get the feeling she doesn't share her story with just anyone. I'm a little further inside the fold.
Increasingly, we are all a little further inside the fold – for better and worse. Servers talk to us more like locals than customers. Andreas who runs the beach chairs on Agriolivadi doesn't talk to us like guests anyone. And when we have questions or need help, we discuss who we should turn to – who is our comfortable expert for whatever the topic. is it safe to swim to the island off Agriolivadi? Andreas. What's the story with these weird communist propaganda-looking flyers we've seen taped in a few spots? Coach Thanasis? How do I create a clear arrangement with the gardener for the coming year? Prokopis. Out network is building – we have some cachet.
Today, Sennen finally got one of his most inside status achievements: his first day of work. Since we arrived almost two weeks ago, Sennen has been waiting for Eirini at Nektar to put him to work as she did last year. "August 1" she's been telling him. Sure enough, Sennen was at her door this morning at 10:30, Johnny-on-the-spot. He received his first 40 minutes of work stamping paper bags and doing something with bottles. It wasn't long and it wasn't hard – but Sennen was thrilled. He's back in the game. How many foreign boys get to do that?
