A little less than two years ago, I had wanted to have the kids with me in Patmos for the second half of summer because the island has a lot of international visitors in July and August. I remembered how in 2019 while playing on the beach, thee kids would occasionally play with some other kid on the beach – frequently ones with whom they couldn't even couldn't even converse, but engaged in the language of play. At one point, they made friends with an Australian girl named Raquel who is Sennen's age. She and her family came to Kampos most days and it became enough of a regular thing that the mom invited us over to their hotel/resort on Grikos for a "playdate".
I imagined these intercultural social opportunities would make the summer more fun and interesting. It turns out, not so much.
Despite being two years apart in age and quite different people, Sennen and Ailyn are very close. They both say the other is their best friend and I think even an onlooker can see they are very close and in-tune with one another. They have been since there were little when two-year-old Sennen used to get down on floor where infant Ailyn would be playing with her Kick n' Play say, "Hi, Baby….." and kiss her. It may have started with Sennen loving his sister, but it didn't take long to see it was mutual and over time Ailyn has given as much or more to her brother and he has to her.
This summer the kids have been surprisingly disinterested in making friends – international or local. Back in April and May, Sennen was saying this summer, "I'm going to be a Greek boy!" – which meant he wanted to get tan, walk around independently and make some local friends – possibly by playing soccer at the field in town where kids gather in the evenings.
He is very tan and does errands independently, but backed away from a couple attempts at the soccer field.
At the beach, neither kid has been especially interested to include another kid – even when a few days ago we were sitting three chairs down from an eleven-year-old American boy from New York with no siblings. Repeatedly, the kids have made clear to me they're happy just the two of them. And so it has been.
As we have crossed the threshold into three weeks together, I'm amazed the kids' enjoyment of another hasn't faded. They play in the water and on the beach for anywhere from four to six hours at a time. They have lots of games and activities they have invented for themselves which include swimming to explore parts of the Kampos cove, doing flips in the water, chasing fish, and pushing each other around on Ailyn's inflatable donut.
When I go in the water with them, their new thing has been to decide I'm their overgrown baby. They argue over whether my name is Giant Yoga Baby (Ailyn) or Shrek (Sennen). I stay mute and look at them confusedly then sometimes swim away only for them to chase me down and "bring me home". At one point, Sennen playing frustrated with not getting his way said to his sister, "Look, woman, I'm divorcing you and I'm taking all the money with me!" He laughed so hard he cried then added, "And I'm naming our baby Shrek and telling him he's an ogre – and there's nothing you can do about it!"
They thought it was hysterical, though my divorced dad brain was processing to determine if there were any important messages I should be picking up and addressing. In the end, I let it be even if I was a touch traumatized myself.
Yesterday on the way home from Meloi Beach, the kids decided the cats at our house never have their birthdays celebrated. Only in order to do that, they need birthdays. In a lightening flash, Sennen and Ailyn had divided up the list of cats and began issuing birthdays. The first was Ketchup who was assigned December 8, 1962.
"Wait a minute, that would mean the cat would be immediately dead. Cats can't live that long!" I pointed out.
"Daddy, that's his birthday and he's sticking to it!" Sennen replied. Ailyn agreed.
"What about just choosing the birthdates, and leaving the years out?" I suggested
Hard pass.
Before we made it the short drive home, about eight cats received birthdays. Almost as if to spite me, Ailyn had put Caramel in 1954. Sennen synced another to Napoleon's birthday. How he knew this, I don't know. Eventually one cat was given a birthday in the year Cleopatra was born.
When I pointed out again these are the oldest cats on Earth, the kids told me "Cats live forever!" and that this phrase is a new slang for embracing and celebrating life. I haven't been able to find anything on Google to corroborate this, but I'm now old and out of touch. So I suppose it's possible.
In the past few days, the kids have helped each other select their back-to-school hairstyles, worked out together, painted, taken out the garbage and recycling together and even shared haircare tips. Though they have their occasional tiffs, by and large they advocate for one another or ensure our plans account for the other's needs and preferences. For kids their age, there's a surprising amount of deciding by consensus.
I'm a very lucky dad to have two kids who do so well and I can only hope they continue to be there for each other throughout life the way they are here this summer.
That said I am less successful getting one-on-one time with each kid. They are two very different kids and there's a certain thriving they get from each being themselves. Unfortunately, I've only had ten minutes here and fifteen minutes there with either kid – enough for some good moments, but not as much as any of us might like. Ailyn in particular benefits from the one-on-one times because with all Sennen's inquisitiveness, it's easy for the conversation to go where he pushes it.
In fact, the most challenging thing at the moment is finding the balance between supporting Sennen's driving curiosity against not having Ailyn – who often doesn't share interest in the same topics – feel sidelined from conversation. Ailyn would rather talk about art and human behavior while Sennen wants to understand the distinction between ethnicity, nationality and religion. Ailyn found Paris inspiring for the art and architecture. Sennen wants to understand the evolution of the Roman Empire and how Europe changed after its demise. All smart, worthwhile topics which can sometimes be merged – but it takes some clever maneuvering.
Now that we're on our second year since Emily and I separated, I've become increasingly aware Sennen and Ailyn are being raised by alternating single parents. While they have two parents who love them, their day-to-day experience is qualitatively different than a two-parent household. My attention is always more split. There's no tag teaming, no dividing and conquering – all the parental strategies that allowed for more attention to get where it was needed quicker and more easily. There's a lot more to consider and fewer breaks. Not that we don't make it work and not that they suffer. I think my kids have a pretty great life overall. They just get less full attention and the best of their parents – and I am either a fully engaged parent, or I'm idling. There's a lot less happy middle ground.
Of course, it's easy to bemoan whatever there is. One can never see the untraveled paths and where they would have led. Perhaps we are living in the best of all worlds? No path is without its challenges and trade-offs.
What is undeniably best about this time is that it's ours. The kids and I have fallen into our rhythm. I am very satisfied with the three of us really in our stride – especially here on Patmos where life feels softer and more balanced. We are in a safe space – with each other and literally within the island. It's a simpler life, for sure. There are no amusement parks, lessons, sports teams or kid activities around (except maybe the local pickup soccer game). Yet somehow no one is bored. We have not yet taken all there is from the vibrant sky, cool blue waters, warm breezy days, warm people and comfortable island.
As of today, we have one week remaining before we take the first step of the journey home. The kids have become aware and the disappointment is in the offing. One week from leaving for vacation is a much more exciting place than a week from ending it. This is also a Patmos problem.
"It's just never enough," Sennen said this morning.
It's true – every experience I've had here has included a certain melancholy or dread as the clock winds down. I've learned we have to fight it – because as I told the kids, a week on Patmos is more than most people ever get. There's a lot to enjoy about a week on Patmos.
We all agree on that.
PS Tomorrow's blog will be posted late due to a side trip to Leros
