She’s Far From The Shallow Now

Travel changes us all  - sometimes profoundly, sometimes imperceptibly. Every trip we see growth in our children – they come home different people than they started, like they go through a condensed, pressurized Joseph Campbell Hero's Journey. As mentioned, for Sennen the journey has a lot to do with curiosity, intellectual growth and the development of what I might call a globalist worldview. 

Ailyn couldn't care less how Greece fits into the European Union and its struggles with the Roman and Ottoman Empires. Her transformation, however, may be the most pronounced this trip. She is a different, older, more confident child than the girl who boarded the plane at LAX. I don't know whether it's her age, how long this trip has lasted, if Greece just seems more sane than Thailand or just the developmental stage she's reaching – but if Ailyn had any shell, she's dropped it.

Ailyn has become bolder. She tries, if not eats everything – including loving sips of beer, wine, ouzo, Ayran (Turkish salty yogurt drink) and coffee. There are no kids meals in our family, but especially not for her. Ailyn will also try any activity: walking the steep hills of Hora, trying a new beach, an exercise class with a Greek trainer, exploring a Turkish city, jumping off boats into the sea, camel riding, river rafting, exploring the tunnels under Jerusalem, digging at an archaeological site, and most significantly meeting and charming new people. For a girl who just turned four, she shows very little inhibition and is almost always willing to go with the program. Unlike her brother, Ailyn isn't phased by the chaotic aspects of overseas life such as motor scooters whizzing by or Turkish men aggressively trying to "recruit" customers into their shops. She doesn't even usually complain about a long walk on a hot, sunny day.

But I feel like these things aren't themselves the giant leap forward. In the past, Ailyn hasn't shown much interest in, or mastery over her geography. This trip, Ailyn has made it clear she understands the layout of Skala in particular and much of Patmos in general. As a result, she wants more freedom – to walk around, find her way – even to go to the restroom by herself at restaurants. Ailyn does not want to be told how we're going to get somewhere – she KNOWS where the post office is….duh…. If she can't name every shop in town, she certainly knows every gelateria and can orient herself and find things based on the gelateria her destination is nearest.

Nothing is new about Ailyn's skills being strongest in the social realm. She quickly hones in on people's personalities, motivations and how to connect with them. Her programming is to charm and endear – which of course works to her advantage in getting what she wants in life. Her brother may understand the basics of economics, but Ailyn instinctively understands how to shift the supply curve in her favor. 

This trip, Ailyn has taken the lead in bridging cultural gaps. After Emily provided the first nudges toward helping the kids approach other kids on the beach, Ailyn now fearlessly approaches children and introduces herself, asking if they would like to play. She gets rejected fairly often, frequently due to lack of common language. This doesn't phase her. If she asks often enough, eventually someone either understands her, or is just willing to work on sandcastles whether or not they can converse. Ailyn is fine with either and has begun taking pride in her ability to marshal friends.

Sennen is not so comfortable and connects with other kids only if he is introduced and usually only if they speak English. Ailyn understands and helps her brother, "Hey Sen, you want to come play? I'll come with you and we can meet them," she says as she puts her arm around Sennen and guides him into a social scene. When she meets other kids, or introduces her brother and someone says something awkward, she's sure to laugh, waive her hand as if to say, "Oh, ____, you're so drole!" and sometimes does say, "That's so funny!" even when it's not – to encourage everyone to laugh and dispel any awkwardness. It's very sophisticated and clever. 

Due solely to Ailyn's finessing, the kids now have regular friends in the town square and last night befriended and played with a group of kids visiting from Athens for a month. These kids attend English immersion/international school and as soon as Ailyn picked up on their ability to communicate, she introduced herself and offered to share her markers and coloring paper with them – working together on different pictures. That led to some kind of chasing/tag game on the patio after dinner in which all the kids at the restaurant eventually participated.

Yesterday afternoon, I took Ailyn to lunch just the two of us at our favorite Stelio's, our favorite gelateria in the middle of the town square which also serves pies, pizza and crepes at very affordable prices.  Ailyn wanted to see if any of her friends were around and begged to walk around looking for them herself, while I stayed at our table. I fought my protective instincts – knowing Patmos is as safe a place as we could find and that the shop and restaurant owners all know our kids – and let her. She navigated her way around the area and came back saying none of them were out and playing. 

Later at the beach, we met a family from Chicago where the husband's family is Patmosian. They visit his mother – who has two houses here – every-other-year. I was chatting with the wife when I looked over and Ailyn had not only introduced herself to the 8 and 10 year-old daughters, but had thrown on her swimming "donut" and gone out swimming with them and their father. When I caught up with her and apologized to the father for her just joining up, he was totally fine with it and the girls were flattered she wanted to trail them. 

Ailyn's other big expansion has involved performances. She sings at the top of her lungs sometimes – anywhere, just walking, for no reason, particularly when walking through town or at the beach. She's also happy to put on "a performance" which always involves a self-choreographed dance and usually song. In particular, she likes to pretend she's a ballerina and finish with a curtsey. Most songs and dances involve a lot of repeating and some highly dramatic moves. The performing really took off on the tour bus in Israel when she would get bored and began delivering highly-charged renditions of the Muppet Babies theme song and Lady Gaga's Shallow - much to her cousins' delight. When anyone would comment on her choreography and why it was so energetic, Ailyn simply said, "These are the moves!" Now "the moves" take place on every beach in Patmos sometimes to the delight – or not – of other travelers. 

Of course, four-years-old is a time when children become independent and she is perfectly in sync with her developmental stage. At the same time, not so many four-year-olds would spread their wings so far from home, far outside their comfort zone and daily trappings with little to no need for accommodation. Ailyn thrives off what's different and seems to feel free and comfortable out in the world. She's full of phrases like, "Wait, I have a great idea!" and "Let's stop here so I can take a picture in front of this BEAUTIFUL blue door!" Best yet – like her mom – when she's tired, Ailyn just finds a place to sleep wherever she may be – which have included wrapped in a sarong on the beach, curled up on a chair in a restaurant, the backseat of a small hatchback, benches on ferries, airplane seats, taxis and her favorite – on a bus with her cousin Bailey as her mattress and pillow.

One of our goals is to help our children to be citizens of the world – to see well beyond their suburban trappings and understand that people live in a variety of ways across a diverse globe. Ailyn certainly seems to be getting the lessons in her highly experiential way. She has the gift to be open, find joy and become part of her surroundings wherever she goes – whether it's preschool, the park, a birthday party, an ice rink in Bangkok, a Buddhist temple, the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem or rounding up friends from across the world at Petra Beach, Patmos.