The plane had stopped at the gate and everyone was standing up, grabbing their bags and filling the aisles waiting for the door to open. That was the awkward moment where I had to make a split second decision – do I ask her for her number and email, or not?
We had held hands through severe turbulence and the flight attendants assumed we were together. The conversation had been fantastic – she was smart, educated and the daughter of the Zimbabwean Ambassador to the United States. It was 2002 and we were on a flight from Bangkok to Tokyo where we would each hop different flights to our respective parts of the United States – her to Chicago to return to the University of Kansas where she was getting a grad degree and me to Seattle where I would visit my cousins and friends.
I sometimes wonder about my decision – but at the time, I could see no way anything could come of it, so I let it – and her – go. It was just one cool flight and a James Blunt, You're Beautiful kind of moment. I've chit chatted with many people on planes – a small few stick in memory and most are what in Fight Club Edward Norton's Tyler Durden (as opposed to Brad Pitt's) calls "a single serving friend."
On the 16.5 hour flight from San Francisco to Singapore I made what might be a single serving, or perhaps a real friend. Unlike the Zimbabwean diplomat's daughter and me, we exchanged contacts at the end of the flight. A very rare thing. But then so is Akira – an economist my age on job hiatus, living in a hybrid of Irvine and Chicago with a wife and step kids who is taking time off between jobs to deal with the serious needs of people in his life – and also contemplating his next career move.
Akira's successful career leaves him both satisfied with his success and craving something more meaningful and in keeping with his values. He likes to learn and credits all his success to people paying for what he was already learning about – he's never chased a job or a dollar. He also happens to be good at commodities and stock trading and "cleans up the money people leave behind."
He's exactly the kind of person I would have been friends with in college. He's smart, learns and has a broad array of accumulated knowledge as a result of a very autotelic personality. He also thinks deeply about social and political issues – about how to live congruently with his morals and ideals in a world that isn't so clean and simple. Integrity, depth, curiosity, engagement in the world – these are all qualities I seek in a friend. Time will tell, but maybe he'll be one. We certainly covered a much broader swath of topics than I've experienced on any other flight.
While we parted ways in Singapore's Changi Airport, Akira left me with a small, practical nugget that changed my day for the better – Changi has a luggage storage facility. Instead of running into town, dropping my large suitcase at the Peninsula and then dashing back to the airport at warp speed, I simply rolled my bag across the terminal and checked it into storage for a week and a very reasonable price. Then I was able to check in for my flight to Bangkok and enjoy a leisurely layover at Changi. Thank you, Akira!
Unlike a year ago when Changi had only a quarter of its usual flight volume and the airport felt empty with little open, today Changi was back and better than ever. Flights were coming and going, people were teeming the concourses and every manner of Singaporean delicacy was being served. Singapore is back.
Notably, about half the people were wearing masks – but it was not mandated.
Unfortunately, not all was positive. On my flight, using the miracle of in-flight WiFi over the South China Sea, I found an email from my lawyer waiting for me summarizing the latest round of negotiations with Emily over custody and related items. We're still not there despite my optimism we were much closer. In fact, it felt we were much further apart and I was frustrated.
Lawyer-letter days are always the worst. I get upset and have trouble letting go. For nearly two years, I have been practicing what I call angry yoga – where I go in to my yoga class with all my anger and try to let it go doing challenging yoga in a 104 degree room with 50 percent humidity. It generally helps. Today all I had was a chilly 787 Dreamliner and a very nice airport. So I did the part of yoga I could and breathed. And texted a few people. And then breathed.
And then I reminded myself that the story is not written, it's simply in flux, with more than one narrator trying to shape it. Patience – so hard to come by – is probably my best path and tool. And then I breathed.
Later as my fantastic-as-always Thai Airways flight crossed into Thai airspace, I noticed the haze. During the year I lived in Thailand and for many years and visits after, I was aware of the smog in Bangkok, but not the haze over Thailand perhaps because I always arrived in Bangkok in the dead of night. I was not blinded by, but blind to the haze. It wasn't until the first time Emily and I (with my cousin Arielle's help) took the kids to Thailand just a few years ago that I first noticed the haze – because we flew from Singapore to Thailand in the afternoon as I did today.
How apropos, I thought. Sometimes you don't know you're in a haze. Sometimes you're in the dark and in the haze and you don't realize it until it's illuminated. That feels about right for where I am right now – and maybe have been for years – both figuratively and literally. After all, I am in the Bangkok smog and am running on 6.5 hours of sleep since Sunday night (it's Tuesday afternoon here).
When you arrive in the Bangkok haze – and it's too early to go to bed – there's only one thing to do: rally. That's why I stopped at the first Thai iced tea stand I saw at the airport. It also happens to be part of a Thai iced tea chain that makes the best tea – a double win. Even though I ordered it with less than normal sugar, the first Thai iced tea of the trip is always the sweetest.
Now I move to the next set of measures – showering, fresh clothes and walking. If I stay in this amazing two-bedroom residential suite I somehow was upgraded to – I'll probably lay down and let jet lag win. Don't ask how it happened – I found a great deal via my Hilton app and it turns out I'm in the fanciest hotel I've ever stayed in Thailand. It feels unexpectedly nice.
Tomorrow morning I go to my favorite Thai island, Ko Samet, to chill out and recharge – maybe with some angry yoga if needed. But for now I'll enjoy another cliched One Night In Bangkok.
