Kostas from Expert, the electronics and appliances shop called. The oven and cooktop they had been expecting came in and he knew my contractor for the kitchen counters had recommended I replace the existing old equipment. While they had other ranges, what I needed was fairly specific – the oven with a separate cooktop that can be inlaid into a counter. It's a style that was very popular 10+ years ago and has transitioned to one more like home where the cooktop and the oven are in one, singular module. I honestly don't see why one is particularly better than the other, but the Prokopis the Contractor (not Prokopis the hardware store owner) felt it would go better with his design.
When there's only one of something you need in stock on an island, best to go get it. So I did that evening. The same two guys work at Expert and much like Kris the Barber and Prokopis the Hardware Store Owner, they end up knowing everyone – or at least everyone who has a residence on Patmos. To my surprise, there was a third employee yesterday – George who spoke pure, unadulterated Australian English. On his fifth day of the job, George was clearly being hazed. The usually personable Kostas sat at the front desk working on the computer while giving George – circa 40 years old – commands as to what people needed, where to find things, what to do – usually without looking up.
George has just moved to Patmos permanently. He's Australian of Greek Cypriot descent (hence fluent in Greek) and his wife is Australian of Athenian Greek descent. A few vacations to Patmos led his wife to want the Patmian life-style year-round. His young kids – 6 and 8 – were apparently also happy to make the change from Sydney. They'll be starting the local elementary school next month.
George, however, seemed less enthusiastic. He used phrases like, "it's a very nice island…." "I'm starting to get used to it…." and "It grows on you…." He took the job at Expert to have local employment and likes the long midday break (1 to 5) that affords him more time with his kids. But his work-from-home IT job back in Sydney seems to have agreed with him more.
It's hard to know anyone's full and complete story even when you know them well for many years. So, I'm reticent to draw conclusions from what little I know of George – but I get the feeling he feels a little dragged into the decision, perhaps like his marriage hung on going along with it. He has that air of reticence and mild defeat. But he's trying to make it work – uncomfortable appliance store job and all. Maybe things will be better when Kostas is done hazing him.
George's approach is to fit into the local system and standards – local job, kids in school. He's all-in.
My approach to my Patmos life is a little stranger. I spend time on my computer writing at cafes and restaurants during the day. I pass through town in yoga clothes sometimes – which unlike Westlake Village where people might wear them whether or not they've gone to yoga that day – no one here even has them. While the world is dining under the stars at night – enjoying long, social meals in their island-chic finest and then strolling leisurely around town eventually getting gelato or aperitifs, I squirrel away in my house and work (not that most people know the reason). I pop out occasionally to pick up take-out or grab a gelato and walk to Chokolakas beach. I live in the middle of all the beautiful, softly lit, Greek island vacation evening action – and I come out intermittently and walk with purpose back and forth. I'm sure I make NO sense.
I'm okay with that. Better to be the guy who does it differently than to be the one who isn't here at all.
So while my Patmos life by day may involve travel, culture, exploration and the adventure creating a new home, my worklife on weeknights remains fairly consistent to home. I continue to drive forward my company, work with great people, address the issues that arrive and pursue the possibilities that exist.
In my work, I tend to enjoy two things: creating something new of value to people and assembling and managing a team. Bringing people together and managing them is its own special kind of adventure. Most of the time, it's great. When you have good people, they offer varying perspectives and contributions, support one another and make work a lot more fun. In the last job where I had my own team, I sat either across from or next to someone who became a good friend for about 3.5 years. With his natural humor – both intentional and not – I laughed so much for that entire time. Amazingly, that team – which expanded to 21 people at its peak – largely remains friends today, or at least in different subsets: these four remain close and those three do too. Everyone made at least one, if not several lifelong friends. I have one of those people still working with me!
Of course anything involving human beings comes with drama. We all have our ups and downs, the joys and challenges that pass through our lives. Everyone has the trauma they lived through, the medical issue they need to take care of sometimes and the needs of the people in their lives. One of the hardest parts of being a leader of people is balancing the needs of the organization with the needs of the people who comprise it. People who have their personal needs met do better in their work and show more loyalty to their employer, so as much as possible it not only feels good to be understanding, but it usually pays-off in the long-run.
However, sometimes needs diverge more than anyone would like and those are the most difficult moments to be a manager – at least for me.
Last night I went to bed and woke up this morning sad. Someone I work with who I really care about is going through a very difficult time. Moreover, his issue enters the realm of mental health. He's lost in a set of perceptions and beliefs that have him isolated and feeling very alone – and I think scared. I don't even know what it's fully about, although I appreciate that he's been fairly vulnerable and raw with me. He's in a dark, unstable place at the moment and his distorted perceptions keep him from finding the easy exits. He's become paranoid, angry, sad, wounded, offended and struggles to see how he affects others or where the lines of professionalism are.
He's also important. I love him – he's a great person. He's just in a bad spot. The problem is how much damage he may or may not do while in that spot and how much leeway does someone get for their emotional struggle?
When someone is sick, we know what to do. "Go home, take your sick days, rest. We'll cover for you. Get well!" It may well be inconveniently timed, but the solution is cut and dry – the decisions easy.
When someone is struggling emotionally, everything becomes gray. At what point are they no longer fit for duty? At what point does their emotional problem become their team's or the company's? Even if you're fine with someone taking a mental health day – or week – they won't always do it. Not everyone has insight into their own condition. Not everyone wants to admit they have a problem – choosing to remain propped up to whatever degree by denial.
In recent years – particularly during COVID – employers have begun to recognize the legitimate importance of mental health. Employee Assistance services are part of more companies' benefits package and usually include counseling for crisis and personal problems. Health plans increasingly cover therapy and behavioral health. In a post-industrial economy, human capital has become the primary asset of some of the world's largest companies. If Ford needs to maintain the machinery of its assembly lines, Google needs the mental health of its employees.
Our work relationships are important. In many cases, we spend more time with – or talking with – our colleagues than our families. And not only are the interpersonal relationships so critical – but working with the ups and downs of the people on your team. Holding firm through someone's divorce, new baby, loss, move, car accident, health problem, family member's health problem – and all the other complications that run through our lives, making us less present or emotionally whole – is an important part of the employer-employee relationship, at least for a company interested in the long-run.
Today, I'm hoping my person pulls through. He was in a sad state when we talked and I'm not sure if our conversation made things better or worse. Probably both. What I don't know is how resilient he'll be – and if he's not, what happens? I suppose some questions can't be answered until and unless you get to them. I really hope it's a superfluous question.
In the meantime – whether or not he knows it (and I think he does on some level) – my heart breaks for him. And it saddens me to have had to make him aware of how he's behaving and coming off to others. I hate delivering painful news. Now I just have to hope – both that things turn around for him and that on some level he knows I'm in his corner, not against him. I just can't solve his struggle for him.
And now we wait…
