Anyone who met me during college knew one of the brightest spots in my life were a set of boy-girl twins on Mercer Island, Washington. Every Sunday I left the University of Washington campus in the eponymous University District of Seattle and went to Mercer Island to enjoy Arielle and Josh – the kids of my first-cousin-once-removed (if we're to be exact) Laureen.
How we connected on the family tree versus the closeness of the connection in real life was hard for most of my friends to absorb, so they generally referred to Laureen as my aunt, which helped make Josh and Arielle my little cousins and that fit cleanly. However, on my maternal grandmother's side of the family, closeness among extended family was normal and I grew up with my mother's cousins as regular parts of my life and I played with and attended family events alongside their children – my second cousins.
Laureen being the third youngest of my mom's many cousins had her twins at 38 – meaning the cousin who was already a half-generation closer to me in age had kids at what was then considered quite late and I was 16 when Arielle and Josh were born. I had always liked Laureen. The age gap meant she was an adult, but not quite like my parents. She was the cool cousin – young, single and had her 80's fashions down.
A unique combination of factors including Laureen and family having moved to the Seattle suburbs at the same time I became interested in the University of Washington, the kids being especially cute and their father - to sum it up succinctly – falling headfirst into becoming batshit crazy. I needed a family connection, Laureen needed another set of hands and eyes that weren't clinically insane and I'm good with kids and cooking. It all sort of fell together.
If I want to tell the more "romantic" story, I also remember seeing Josh at a family get-together at three months old, looking at his adorable face and big blue eyes and feeling this sense of "Hey, I know you!" I picked him up and held him most of the party. Only a month later Laureen and her family moved to Mercer Island and I went up to visit and check out UW – staying with them and learning you can entertain four-month-old twins for a fair while by turning their carriers so they can stare at one another.
That was the beginning of years and decades of involvement with Arielle and Josh that have spanned disgusting diaper changes, numerous birthday parties, taking them to work with me, their parents' intense divorce, staying at their house, overnights at my apartment, waking up to a kid watching TV on my back, wrestling, vomiting, graduations, careers….
My college friends all knew Arielle and Josh and – at least for Josh – were a cast of characters to also play with and wrestle. The summer before my term as Editor of The Daily of the University of Washington, five-year-old Arielle and Josh hung out with me for the day in the newsroom. They quickly became the charges and living toys of the ragtag assemblage of college journalists. The village was happy to watch the kids. So much so that at the end of the day the kids asked if our Sports Editor, Jason Sykes – a very good guy – could come home with us for dinner. I asked him if he wanted to. He asked what was for dinner. Spaghetti. He was in. When Laureen returned that evening from the conference she was attending, Arielle and Josh came running up to her saying, "Look, Mommy – we have a new boy!"
These kinds of things were not atypical and over the years, Laureen came home to many surprises including unexpected friends of mine, messes in her kitchen and one time – four birthday cakes when we meant to make two.
I'm not sure exactly how Josh and Arielle see me and the role I have played in their lives. I'd like to say I was something of akin to a young uncle figure. Not old enough to be their parent, not a peer – in charge when they were young, but in limited capacities. A low-ranking adult. Until their mid-teens, they called me "Ecky" and that seemed to be what I was as much as it was a name.
Now we're crossing a new threshold. On Saturday, Josh is getting married to his girlfriend of the past year-and-a-half. She's Japanese and was an au pair. When her time in the au pair program – and therefore her visa – came to a close, she was able to get a six-month tourist visa to extend her stay – giving them more time to figure out if they really wanted to get married. With the clock ticking on her visa, they have decided they're in it for keeps – but there's no time to plan a big wedding. So, they'll go to the courthouse on Saturday, have a nice lunch at the Water Grill in Bellevue and plan a more robust celebration for next year.
Josh and Akari made their decision less than a month ago and I've known for almost as long. The idea that it's just a thing at the courthouse for now and there will be a "real" celebration next year kept it from feeling too significant. But in the end, my little buddy is getting married.
For years, Josh would wrestle or "battle" me. I would pin him down and ask, "Who's the big dog?!" In order to be released he would have to say, "You are!" "And who's the little dog?" The required answer was , "I am". Josh spent many years inviting me and my friends to wrestle him by saying, "You're a little dog!"
Now, my little dog is big enough to get married and loathe as I am to admit it, especially in writing, he is – at least physically – a big dog. Though I'd like to think I can still pin him down if I tried hard enough.
My kids know Arielle much better. She has traveled with us, visited more and usually attends the big family Thanksgiving at another cousin's ranch. When she's frustrated, Ailyn calls Arielle for advice on how to manage curly hair. Arielle is almost always spot-on and has deescalated some very tough, emotional, tangled moments.
Arielle has always been sweet, smart, self-directed and ambitious – not the goofy blockhead her brother can be.
"Daddy, Josh is my favorite of our cousins who we don't see enough," Sennen said last month. "He's really funny. I wish we saw him more."
Me too. Especially this Saturday.
When Josh was seven, I returned to Seattle after having worked and lived in Los Angeles for several months. He hadn't seen me much during that time. I drove up to Seattle and when I walked in the door of Laureen's house, Josh was on the phone with his dad for the first time in months (Sam used to disappear intermittently before he disappeared for good). When Josh heard my voice, he dropped the cordless phone he was holding, ran up the stairs, yelling "Ecky!", jumped into my arms and gave me the tightest hug. I wish I could give that back to him right now.
